CHOKEHOLD - VANCE HOPPER

☆ LOVE ☆

more sad songs cause i said so and sorry for the short chapter

"DONT BE A CUNT!", THE WALL SCREAMED.

"And here I am being a cunt." Vance sighed.
He was back at the tunnel, the tunnel him and Y/n were at. That was the day when he went to bed he realized, he was in love with Y/n. Platonically or not, he knew he loved her. But now he doesn't have to guess, because now he knows he loves her romantically. That's why he has to push her away, instead of his feelings.

He stared at the old spray paintings they drew on the wall. Vance walked to the one Y/n made of her and Vance. It was still a shitty drawing, but it held too much memories.

"Vance." A low tone from the entrance of the tunnel called out.
Vance whipped his head to the right, "Y/n." He spoke.

"What're you doing here?" Vance said, his tone coming out harsher than he intended.
"Whatever you're doing here. It's Monday. Shouldn't you be in Mr.Johnson's class?" Y/n crossed her arms. Vance looked back at the wall.

"Fuck that asshole." Vance quickly replied, making Y/n laugh a little bit.

Vance looks at her again, he just made her laugh.
"I should probably go." Vance says as he tries to walk past Y/n.

The second their shoulder's almost pass each other, Y/n speaks.
"Vance." Her tone comes out more serious than she really is.

"What?"
"Why are you being an asshole right now?" It comes out more as a statement rather then a question. They both don't dare to look at each other, staring at the entrances that are across from each other.

"It doesn't matter, Y/n."
"Is it because i'm leaving?"
"Jesus, not everything is about you." Vance finally turns to face her, he lies at her face.

She turns to face Vance, "Except it is! If it isn't about me why are you ignoring me?"
"Look, people just fucking change! It's not my fault you get to go out in the world and leave this shitty town."

Y/n scoffs, "Are you serious right now? You think I chose to have to leave every place I go?!"
"I didn't fucking say that!-"
"Then what did you mean? Huh?"
"Well I'm sorry everything isn't going your fucking way! Life is shit, people are shit!"

"Friends aren't shit, Vance!"
"Well me maybe we aren't friends then!"

"You're a fucking asshole, Vance Hopper!" Y/n yells.

Vance is taken aback by this, so much. Y/n, the only person who ever seemed to understand him, now doesn't. But how could he blame her? She doesn't understand because he won't let her.

Vance was starstruck, he didn't yell back. If any other person tried that, he wouldn't be thinking. But, Y/n had something over him, it put him at ease. And he hated it. But not because he didn't want to feel love, but because he could never express it.

He steps back, and sighs. He starts walking back to the tunnel's entrance to leave, "Have a nice fucking life.", Vance says.

Y/n was also shocked by her own words. These people couldn't possibly be right about Vance, right? Well, she proved to Vance that she believed they were.

                                ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

Y/n skipped school to get one thing off her mind, and that was Vance. All it ended it up being was just Vance. Not that it was any different, 90% of her thoughts were Vance Hopper.

She felt like disappearing, dissolving in her sheets. She could become one with the non-living so she wouldn't feel anymore. Vance made her feel.

He felt almost too good to be true, and yet others would call him a waste of space.

Y/NS POV:
I can't believe I said something that I don't even believe in. I want to believe that Vance cares, that he's some where watching out for me. And he won't let me believe that, so now, I don't know what to think.

I know I was wrong for saying that, but everything else he said mad me feel like I had gone mad. It felt like we never happened, as if he was trying to reverse something. But everything I feel towards him couldn't be undone.

My stomach starting aching, in a way I feel sick. I don't want to eat, I have no appetite because of Vance. I don't want to listen to music, love songs remind me of Vance. I don't want to sleep, if I close my eye I see Vance.

He's that sense of stability I need in my life. He's that sense of fun I had in my life. He's every thing to me. He make's me feel everything.

My mood can be switched in a second if something goes negatively with Vance. And this was the first time it did happen. Before that, I could never be sad around Vance. Even when telling him about having to move away, he cheered me up in seconds.

His skin making contact with mine sent a breeze through my veins. How could you not know you need something so beautiful?

The thing is, I should be mad at him. I should mean what I meant. All he's done is ignore me when it's not my fault.

My eye vision is blurry, why can't I see? My pillow starts getting water on it, why is it raining? My eyes feel heavy, my nose is kinda stuffy.

Is it raining?
No.
I'm crying.

I roll into my side, I hate this.

And yet, I don't hate Vance. I don't, I don't, I don't.
I hate what he said.
I hate that he's ignoring me.
I hate that he made me cry.
But I don't hate him.

I don't think I could ever hate Vance. I always wondered why I gave him chance's, why I never treated him like less. And now I know why.

I know why I don't hate Vance Hopper.
I sat up in my bed when the realization hit me.
My tears dry up, my face puffy.
"I'm in love with Vance Hopper."