CHOKEHOLD - VANCE HOPPER

☆ FUTURE ☆

i wanted to do exit music for a film for this but it's too long so we'll do as the worlds cave in by matt maltese and again, you are not moving.

VANCE'S POV:
(10:05pm)
THE ONE GIRL I LOVE IS KISSING ANOTHER BOY. Y/n L/n is kissing Bruce Yamada.

I got up from my bed, because I swore I could've heard Y/n's voice. So I checked my window, I wish I never did.

I sink back into my bed. Was this a sick joke? No. It was me. I'm the joke here. I'm Vance fucking Hopper, a problem maker. It's all I ever do, cause problems. So what did I expect? For Y/n to love me? I think she'd rather disappear.

I think I want to disappear. I crawl into a corner of my bed, I try not to smash shit. Did I really believe she would love me? Did some part of me hope that one day I would find the experience of equally returned love?

I dig my nails into my palms so deep that they leave marks, on the verge of bleeding. What's wrong with me? How could I let myself fall into a stupid fucking illusion like that? I became desperate and now look at me, brought down because of a girl who doesn't even feel the same.

She wanted the exact opposite of me, Bruce Yamada. Was I really that much of a fucking wreck? I should've known she was going to choose him.

Bruce was nice, sweet, charming. All I did was scare people. He plays baseball, I waste my money on Pinball. He's an athlete, I fuck people up. He's going to be the next star baseball player, I'll end up in jail sooner or later. He teaches baseball, I need to be taught math.

My eyes feel heavy, I'm sleepy. No. I'm not sleepy.
*DRIP*.
I'm crying. I'm fucking crying. This girl, who doesn't even love me, has me fucking crying.

I get up off my bed, and stand in the middle of my room. Everything feels unreal. I look around, trying to collect the world around me. My heart is trying to escape out my throat. My hands dig deep, far into my palms. My legs are unsteady as they try to stay still. I have to breath in deep to breath at all.

I'm so fucking delusional.
DELUSIONAL. DELUSIONAL. DELUSIONAL.
My emotions control me now.
I yell, curse, I can barely hear my own words under the sound of crashing things.

I bring my hand on my nightstand, I quickly shove everything off my desk. I shove shit off my shelves, taking my emotions out on them. I tear posters off the wall, the stupid things I looked up to. I throw things against the wall, some things breaking, others not.

I throw so much on the floor that you can barely see the the actual floor. Everything flying in the air or lays on the floor. Piece's breaking, smashing, cracking. Water and cigarette ashes spill all around. Everything is a mess, like me.

All these things, that made me, me, are stupid.
Fucked up. I hate these things now, because I hate myself. I can't stand myself.

                                  ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯
(Y/N'S POV)
10:05
I OPEN MY EYES, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

This was one of the first times in my life that I hoped I was wrong. And I was right. Bruce Yamada loves me, more than a friend.

What does he even see in me? Shouldn't he be with a pretty girl like Donna? How am I even making this about me? This boy just kissed me, and I don't love him like that. I don't love him in that way, how am I supposed to tell him?

I don't want to let him down, i'd rather disappear. I want to disappear in this moment. Fly away. We both slide our hands off each other.