The truth untold [Completed]

Not an Chapter...

Hi guys,

what I'm going to write today is not a story, something I wanted to tell people...today I attempt to suicide for 3rd time in my life. I'm 17, 18 in November my first attempt was when I'm 14 and second one was 15.. I had depression back then..14 years old getting depression, don't be dramatic... someone could say..but that's real..for whole my life I'm being compared...not that I didn't have loving family for me and good friends, but i always compared.. as far as i remember is when I'm 10, scholarship examination... i was the top of my school.. but i was not enough... i got 179 marks, but they ask for 180 before i write the exam.. so when i said im 179 and top of my school they said, why cant you get the marks you said, you failed... that's only the start..when i go to bigger school with that class, everyone treated me nice.. im smaller than others and had fair skin than others when im a kid.. so they treated me good, until i score good exams.. when they realize i got better marks, they start to drift away, because i was better...and subject i did was traditional dancing and sometimes we have to sing, but my teacher said i should never open my mouth, because ppl will go deaf, so i never sang.. im still lot insecure about my voice...things continued, i always compared to others.. so i study, too hard.. i didn't even sleep sometimes, but never enough..then one of boys in my tuition class starts look at our friend group, he liked someone and we didnt knew who.. but time goes one of my friend, who i was so close confronted me... that i spread rumer about her and that boy is a couple.. she said im man stealing whore when i didnt even talk to boys.. i went to all girl Buddhist school.. she called me so many things and told me to kill myself.. in truth i never liked a boy before and i dont even had male friends.. so i tried to do what she said.. i overdose, got scared soon after and forced to vomit all.. second time when i tried to overdose my best friend came to me saying cute stuff and i stopped instantly.. that time i already meeting school therapist with anyone knowing, and i was already army.. love myself concept help and i recovered and change myself...the kind me turned into cold hearted bitch, who dont give a fuck about others... however recently as much as i tried to distract myself from those thoughts i felt so pressured... problems, fights kept coming.. today i snapped... i drank 6 pills and i thought it will work because i haven't eaten good meal for 3 days... i felt so tired and fell deep sleep but i woke up.. im still alive.. after talking to two ppl i realize there are still ppl who cares.. but deep down i still disappointed that pills didnt work..i just wanted to say, if your friend is depressed, saying they wanted to die, dont take them as joke.. the most beautiful smile hide the greatest pain.. they could be serious... try to show that ur there for them, for real.. and be there for them for real.. dont pressure them to talk, just be there, silently... you can be the reason why they live that day... ppl didnt choose to be depressed, it just happened.. we all fight with depression, but sometimes we snap.. just try to be strong..:)

-spring rose