Divine Timing

Buttah

Buttah laid in bed looking at the ceiling. Today is Buttah's birthday; she is 43 years old. Buttah and Bless were born when their mother's were 43 years old; now Buttah is 14 weeks pregnant at 43.

"Thank you God for another year!" Buttah said as she sat up in bed.

After speaking to her therapist yesterday; she was given homework to write a letter to her inner child. Buttah was hesitant to write the letter. She jumped as she felt her phone vibrate; It was her mom calling.

It was difficult for Buttah to talk to her mom, because her mom was very critical, bossy and expected for Buttah to make her happy. Sandy has long straight silver and black hair. She is 85 years old, but look more like 65. She is 5'3, petite, dark chocolate skin, smooth complexion with high cheekbones. Sandy's mother was a Choctaw Indian, and her father was African American. Both of her parents passed away from a fatal car accident when she was 20 years old.

"Happy Birthday!" Sandy said.

"Since you're not working today; I need you to take me to the store. Buy me some church clothes too. I'm running out of dresses and hats. Miss Carolyn is always competing with me, and talking about how her hats look better than mine. Oh and I need a $1000.00, because I'm going to gamble this weekend at WinStar." Sandy said quickly.

"Mom, I have other plans today. Call Kristen and get her to help you with that." Buttah said.

"Kristen doesn't get here until Wednesday, and that's too far away. I need you to do it today." Sandy said with an attitude.

"I'll call Kristen for you, and she will contact you if she can be there before Wednesday. Bye mom. " Buttah said calmly and hung up the phone.

Talking to her mom was always stressful, because her mom felt that she was priority. Sandy never asked Buttah how she was doing, and she was never the affectionate, nurturing type. Buttah did not blame her mom, because she felt that her mother needed healing as well. Kristen was the home health aide that Buttah paid for to run errands for her mom, and help her around the house. Kristen was very caring and reliable.

Buttah sat at her desk preparing to write a letter to her inner child.

Dear Buttah,
I hope you know that when you were 4 years old through 12 years old; what happened to you wasn't your fault. You are strong and you are enough. I was in your corner rooting for you on your bad days. I knew that things would get better for you. When your mom and dad didn't show up to your graduation; I was rubbing your back and giving you a big hug, comforting you. I'm so proud of you. I know that you felt unseen and unworthy. It's okay and normal to cry and feel sad sometimes, but remember when God answered your prayers? Remember when you were praying in the dark, and felt a light touch on your shoulder and no one was there? God heard you, he hears you and he is always with you. You are resilient, funny, encouraging, determined, dedicated, compassionate, loving and caring. You are stronger than you think. Crying releases the pain and opens up your heart to new experiences; it's okay to cry.

Love Always,
Buttah

After Buttah finished writing the letter; she heard the doorbell ring.

"Happy Birthday!" Sasha and Chase walked in with balloons, cake and ice cream. Buttah gave them both a hug.

"Thank you!" Buttah said smiling.

They all decided to go to Pappadeauz to eat, and come back to the house to eat the cake and ice cream.

"Whew chile, I am full" Sasha said walking in the house.

Buttah didn't eat much, because she was nauseated. Chase walked in after the ladies, carrying the leftover bags.

"How did we end up leaving with more food than we had at the restaurant?" Chase walked in confused as to why he was carrying three bags of food.

"I ordered more food to eat for tomorrow." Buttah said laughing. She was thinking back on when Chase tripped on the back of Sasha's shoe, and fell on the way out of Pappadeauz. He blamed it on the bags he was carrying, saying he couldn't see in front of him.

"Let's look at "Black Phone" Buttah said finding the movie on fire stick.

"Sasha get the door, I have to use the bathroom." Buttah said running to the bathroom.

"Who was that?" Buttah said walking into the dining room, and she saw Bless sitting on the couch with flowers.

"Sasha put these in the vase on the kitchen table please, thank you." Buttah said sitting on the couch across from Bless.

Buttah looked at Bless, as if she was waiting for an explanation. Bless walked over to sit by Buttah.

"Happy birthday. I'm sorry Babe. I ..." Bless said but was cut off by Buttah.

"I don't want to know why you didn't respond to my text, and why you hadn't called. What are your intentions and why are you here now?" Buttah asked looking into his eyes.

During the time Bless was away, it gave Buttah more time to focus on herself, and what she wanted in a partner. If her partner was not reciprocating the love and time she put in; they didn't deserve her. Buttah has also been focusing on self-love. She is ready to cut off anybody who interferes with her peace of mind.

"Being away from you made me realize that I don't want to be without you. Wherever I go; I want you there with me. When I'm with you, it feels like home. I want to wake up with you next to me. You are apart of me, and I am apart of you. I wish I could take away all of your pain and sorrow. I want to protect you, and help your dreams to come true. I will do all I can to make you feel like the queen that you are, and if I fail, I will die trying." Bless said holding one of Buttah's hands, and taking a small box out of his pocket with the other hand.

"Will you marry me?" Bless asked and opened the box to a 10k diamond ring.

Buttah was in shock with tears falling down her face.

"That was beautiful, everything you said, and this ring. This is all beautiful and overwhelming. I need time to think about this. It's too much for me right now. Please give me some time." Buttah said wiping her tears and getting up to go to the bathroom.

Sasha followed behind Buttah.