you live your everyday life on Earth and are about to kill yourself things are not going good like a fairy tale where everything works out perfectly your life has gone downhill and you jump but instead of seeing white clouds appear somewhere else...
Look I love writing this book but it's just I need to get my shit together and it's sad cuz I wanted this to be smooth but it's not my mom just informed me that people have been talking behind my back about me being gay and I am I'm not going to lie but what hurts the most is that the people I love wouldn't support me for who I am and would rather me have a fake girlfriend than someone that I care about I can't control my feelings and today after the news I can't Bring myself to do anything I love anymore for it being "gay" being the reason my mom told me in the first place and the reason people are talking about it I'm glad she told me but it hurts me to know she is one of them she has to lie to there dumb faces about my sexuality I have to lie I have to act dumb to get attention knowing if the true me slipped out I would be pushed away it hurts it hurts so bad I cried knowing my relationship with my family is tricked with lies and no understanding for who I am on the inside being called gay fag sissy by my dad who also talked behind my back Im kinda glad he's dead but that left scar's I've gotten yelled out smacked pushed everything whale they say up and ate and talked I sat in the mud behind a tree till I finally wanted to get up my life sucks I know I sound selfish but this book was my only release and now it's gone along with my other hobbies me now just sitting on my bed under the covers thinking what went wrong fake love for a fake me all those times I've been discussed watch my mom and my sister hold hands whale I did the hard work knowing she moved on from me to my sister it's almost October and I have nothing to do I hate myself I hate this family I wish it would all stop but that is asking to much isn't it I have no clue now I know I have to stay hidden or I'll be outcasted and left to die all because of something i can't control I started liking men out of nowhere and I accept myself but my family is another story I feel terrible but I need time to heal some at least until I feel like writing again I'm sorry again but I need this all the tears I shed the anger the frustration I love me but I don't at the same time my chest hurts I feel bad I don't see the point in living like this anymore and i feel trapped in cage with no point slowly closing in traping me I can't think of a time I felt love for more than a few minutes before it was replaced with
why. Didn't you do this say that do that
you should take more responsibility
I'm sure she didn't mean it
your over reacting stop that your to close
your the man so you should do it
man up your so weak
what's the point do this do that.
I'm sorry I was to lazy to do it you do it
Look at your self
Are you trying to kill yourself
these are the things I get told everyday or just what they ment
I couldn't take it when they say
Why do you stay in your room so much
Stop crying crying doesn't solve problems
With this being said this book is on hiatus for a while I hope you can understand sorry again guys I hope you all have a good day bye for now
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