Today marks the second year that you are gone. i am weirdly doing okay. maybe thats a good sign, maybe i am finally okay with the fsct that you arent here anymore, maybe thats what denial is like, that today is like any other day. But relatiy is a bitch and today isnt just another day. Today should be filled woth pain and grief and Maybe it hasnet hit me yet or maybe im finally comfortable with it, comfortable with tye fact that uou are gone. But i domt think so. I dont think i will ever be comfortable anymore. Maybe and I would like to think that maybe its you comforting me, keeping me from breaking, sending me good feelings telling me its okay. I feel like i dont remember you anymore. I feel like i dont know what you would be doing. It has been a long two years with a lot of changes and you werent a part of it. Part of me wants to think you were there all along, part of me has forgotten that you would have been a part of it, you should have been a part of it. But you werent, you wont be anymore, the next few years will pass and i will never know what you will think of all the changes. Everyone says that you would be proud, but that's the thing, I don't even get the opportunity to dissappoint anymore. I dont get to see you you feel anymore. I dont get to debate with you or laugh with you. That is what pains me the most. The lost opportunities to know more about you, to create new memories with you. Sometimes i like to have conversations with you in my head of the things that you would say or what you would think about somthing in the world today. Other times i completely stop thinking, blocking out everything all of the past memories, forgetting everything about you.
You always told me I could do things alone, i hope you are proud of all the things i did and palces I have discovered on my own.
Two years and im okay, but every other day im a fucking mess.
YOU ARE READING
Processing my Greif
PoetryWithin two years of my life, I had 5 people in my family pass away. My biggest loss was my step mom. Three years later and the whole she left is still very real and raw. Here are some pieces I have written trying to transform and process my grief. w...
