There was still 2 weeks till classes and though I only had spent two days here, I was starting to get really bored.
I went to the library and tried to speak to people but they all ignored me or they were not people I wanted to continue speaking to.
I was just a weirdo.
I decided I'd just go to the private study rooms and look at some of the content so I wasn't in a random world of stuff I didn't know.
I spend hours revising and by the end of it, I feel like nothings changed. I knew all of this stuff already and I stare at the computer and play around with the cursor.
I get distracted by the door opening and Aubrey walks in and sits opposite me.
My lip quivers at the sight of him but I just stare back at my screen.
I take a deep breath in and look up at him to see he's looking right at me.
"You seem upset." He says.
I shake my head. I know if I spoke my voice would crack or something.
I get a facetime call and so does Aubrey.
It's Todd.
I answer.
"Hi Todd." I say and turn the iPad around.
"Hi Dad." Aubrey says and he waves.
"I'm glad to see you two getting along." I glance at Aubrey before focusing my attentions back on the iPad. Aubrey comes around and stands behind me.
"Matilda wanted to say hi, everyone else is at school." Matilda comes into the frame.
"Hi guys!" She says and I light up a bit.
"Hi Mati, how are you?" I ask and she nods.
"I'm so good. I miss you though." She says.
"We miss you too." Aubrey says. She waves as she runs off too play.
"How was your journey down?" Lisa asks and in the screen I look at Aubrey. "Hello?"
"Aubrey. What did you do?" Todd asks.
"Aubrey Hartford. Tell us what you did." Lisa says as she crosses her arms. She means business.
He scraped his neck. He knows he's caught.
"I left to leave with a random girl who was going to the university as well and didn't tell her." Lisa and Todd look so disappointed.
"Cass how long did you wait?" Todd asks. "Cassidy Woods." His voice is firm.
"30 minutes." I say.
"Cassidy you suck at lying." Lisa says.
"Almost two hours." I say.
"Aubrey." Lisa gasps.
"That is so disappointing Aubrey." Todd says.
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't want to spend time with little miss boring over here." He says and I feel nothing because he's correct. I'm boring. I'm also wrong because it does hurt, no matter how many times you may have been told it or think it.
"Aubrey I think you need to apologise to Cass, especially for that." Todd says.
I cut the call and get up grabbing my stuff.
Aubrey gets a call to his phone and he answers it.
I leave the room and go to the toilet where I look at myself in the mirror. I see the lonesome tear fall down my face and wipe but more spill out.
When I stop crying, I was my face and dry it with a paper towel.
I hated being me. I hated being this mundane mess of a girl who couldn't get past what happened to her and everyone has told me, what happened to me, no one would get over but I wish I had. I wish I could be normal, a normal girl with a normal family who loved me and cared for me.
I wish I could have my family back, I wanted my brothers back.
I hold those feelings down and go and get into my sports clothes which are just old clothes and get my boxing stuff and go to the gym and start beating the shit out of the punching bag.
I feel more angry every-time I hit and by the time I feel no more enlightened than I did when I started hitting it. My wrapping has come undone and now my hands are bruised and blistered. Old blisters have opened up as well.
I get my stuff and see that I've been at it for an hour. Time really does escape me. I thought that Aubrey had left me for an hour but I was there for over three.
I didn't even notice the moving vans were gone. Luckily they waited for me at the location we agreed on.
They knew Aubrey was a grade A prick. I gave them an extra couple hundred dollars more than Lisa and Todd paid them for waiting and helping me.
I walk back to the dorm and get caught in the rain but I walk slowly. I feel my eyes well up again but who'd be able to tell?
I walk slowly all the way back to my dorm and when I get back, Aubrey's waiting outside it and I turn around and walk away but he sees me.
"Hey. You're not too upset are you?" He asks me.
"Just leave me alone Aubrey." I say and people who are moving in walk past and stare but ultimately they're too engrossed in what they're doing to care.
He walks through the rain with me.
"I didn't think about you in that moment." He says.
"I know." He never seems to think about me much, which I don't mind, well I do but I tell myself I don't because he doesn't need to think about me.
"I am sorry." He says.
"Yeah okay." I say as I stand in the rain and watch the cars go past on the road outside the fence.
I wish I could be in one of them and just drive forever and just leave.
"I just really wanted to get to know this girl I met and I got sidetracked." Aubrey is starting to irritate me even more than he was before.
"Yeah, cool." I say but he's not getting it.
He reaches for my shoulder.
"Don't touch me Aubrey." I say as I pull my arm away, quickly.
"Please don't get angry with me." He says. He's infuriating.
"Please stop pretending you think about me. You said you didn't think about me in that moment but do you think of me ever? No and that's why you'll apologise now and then you'll be pulling your shit the next day so please stop pretending to care about me and leave me be, not just now but for the rest of the college experience. Got it. When we're back at your house, that's when we can speak and only because we have to." I say.
"But..." He starts but I put a hand up.
"But nothing. I can't deal with you anymore." I say.
