Day 1 of 31
Aubrey wakes up bright and early and I could barely even close my eyes without jolting awake. I'd been going medication free because I was scared of a lot of things but I'd started it backup so hopefully everything would help but I know I'd struggle.
Every time I tried to shut my eyes last night my mind would start racing and pacing and I knew a nightmare would start but I couldn't go on like this.
I needed sleep. I needed to function well.
I get up as well and open my suitcase.
I grab my clothes and jump into the shower, putting my dirty ones in a bag just before I get in.
Once I shower, I dry off and put my new clothes on and brush my teeth, do my skincare, style my hair.
Nothing could hide these bags.
I leave the bathroom and tuck my laundry bag in my suitcase and put some shoes and wait for Aubrey to be done with whatever he was doing.
I eventually come to the realisation that he's not here because nothings happening. Maybe he's hurt or something.
"Aubrey?" I say as I knock on the door and I don't hear a response. The water isn't running, the extractor isn't making noise the light doesn't appear to be on. "I'm coming in." I shield my eyes even though I know nobody's in here because he's not. He's left.
I look through the room and see that his phone, watch, wallet and sunglasses are gone and that his main pair of shoes are gone too.
I go to the balcony and see him flirting with a girl that's out by the pool and she's into it.
Last time he did this I had a panic attack and I cried for days, not knowing I could feel panic like that. I guess it was also because of the kids.
I couldn't believe the triplets were 4 years old and they were always so happy to be around me. I also loved watching Matilda grow from a shy little girl who was scared of us all to then growing into being part of the ever growing family of the Hartfords.
I go out the balcony and I can see Aubrey and the girl and she's touching his bicep and he finally 'scores' when she types something into her phone.
He hugs her goodbye and he laughs as he looks at his phone.
I go back inside and lie down on the bed as I watch some videos on my phone. I didn't need to get upset, I didn't need to get annoyed.
We aren't friends and I don't care about him even if I really do.
I do think about how happy he was the whole time at University, he laughed and smiled and went to loads of parties and held loads of parties but I also think about how he cried sometimes at night and when he did, how it made my heart break into fragments.
However, I had to remind myself that there was a reason why I had to tell him to stop speaking to me and that I wasn't in the wrong for that.
I watch videos of waves for hours on end and watch as the clock goes by slowly, agonisingly slow.
I make my way down for the first session of our day and when I walk out, I see Aubrey and the girl kissing, hard.
I try not to lose my mind as I go to the first commitment, therapy.
I knock on the door and when the person on the other side says come in, I do.
"Hi there, Cassidy Woods?" She says and I nod. "I'm Dr. Miranda Portsmouth, I'll be talking to you and Aubrey Hartford today, right?"
I nod.
"We're not a couple." I say.
"Yep, that's why you have me, the therapist you were meant to have is a very good couples therapist and I'm more of a general one. Where's Mr. Hartford?" She asks me and I grimace. "Once you tell me where he is, tell me what you think of him?"
"He's off kissing some girl and I think nothing of him." She looks at me with a knowing look. She heard my tone. "When I was younger and I mean really young, I know I adored him. I don't remember my childhood that much but a lot of the happy memories I had were of him but he doesn't remember or maybe he doesn't know it was me. I was put up for adoption when I was 5 and my life has been slightly crazy since." I have to take moment to keep calm.
"That's a very sad circumstance to be in, did they pass away?" She asks me and I have to laugh before I cry. I do neither.
"No. They're alive. I have 8 brothers, two of whom are my twin brothers with me the middle triplet. They're Aubrey's best friends." I feel the tears well up in my eyes.
"I assume it has a tremendous strain on yours and Aubrey's relationship. What's the reason you guys got sent here." She asks.
"I aged out of the system after a failed adoption. My grandpa died shortly after I turned 18 and I moved into his house which is next to Aubrey's parents. They invited me to live with them. I took the offer and Aubrey and I have not got along even more since then. When we went to college, I told him not to speak to me a couple days in and he never spoke to me for 4 whole years. I'm glad he finally respected my wishes." She nods, writing this all down.
"Does Aubrey make fun of you for being adopted, do your brothers, if so, is it difficult to deal with Aubrey when he's their best friends?" Valid questions.
"Aubrey no. Caleb and Canu, when I see them they won't make fun of me but they'll torment me and it's because Aubrey doesn't know." Her head snaps up.
"He doesn't know what?" She is intrigued.
"That I'm their daughter." She nearly gasps. "It's quite difficult."
"I'm really sorry to hear that, will you ever tell him?" She asks me and I shake my head.
"Not now, I still find myself being heartbroken about it. Spending everyday wondering what I did to deserve it, what I did to be put for adoption, let alone the repercussions." I'm just crying now.
"Here you go." She hands me a tissue and waits for me to calm down.
"If you're alright to answer, what sort of repercussions?" She's a lot more quiet.
"Well, I was," I feel a lot more tears roll down my face. "I was raped by my the first and only family to ever adopt me. The mom, the dad, the brother, the sister, they all got in on it and I'm just lucky they were caught but no one ever adopted me again. I was so happy when I was adopted, thinking someone wanted me finally. Instead, I had to spend years of my life going to court cases, proving that I was raped even though it was filmed and caught on camera, multiple times and I had to be tormented by hotshot lawyers who didn't care about the fact that a child got raped but instead about the millions they'd receive if they won the case. They lost because they just knew I was an 'orphan' what they didn't know because they never cared to ask was that I had a family but maybe that'd be more leverage for me to stay in that house. They lost because I had an amazing grandpa who didn't let me fall victim to them. They're all in jail now." She's writing intensely.
"And..." She's about to start speaking more when she gets a call. "Hello. Yes I was meant to have an Aubrey Hartford. Yeah, you can send him through." She ends the call.
"He's coming?" I say.
She nods.
"I'm going to go through this back door, tell him I got fed up of waiting, which I did as it's been 45 minutes." I say and she nods.
"I understand. Just follow the sign that says exit of course and you'll find your way back. That was a good session, hope to see you soon." She waves goodbye and the door behind me closes just as Aubrey walks in.
"Is she here?" He says.
"No, she left. She waited for a long time Mr. Hartford and I can't see you now because I have another client in 20 minutes and that's not enough for me to prepare and get to know you, so I'll see you soon." She says.
"I understand, could I just rest in here for 5 minutes though. I think she'll be very angry with me when I get back." He says.
"Sure." She says and I leave.
I walk back to the room and lay down on the bed.
