A Perspective

Reason

Your right, you aren't my slaves, no one is, but you are my family. You should at least try and understand why. Why I slept all day was because I'm an autistic depressed and anxious person who was out all day in public with my sister and my body was in pain the entire time but I still did it. Now my body is in a lot of pain, I'm mentally and physically drained, exhausted, etc. Yes I'm grateful for everything but I'm tired. So I slept. It's summer, school left me horribly and I still have to act "right" for you and work. But I'm tired so I sleep. You say it is not okay for me to sleep so much all day and that I'm an asshole and lazy blah blah blah.  But never think why. Never know why. Never ask why. A depressed, almost suicidal, anxious, agoraphobic, autistic teen. I eat what you wanted to eat or I shouldn't have eaten or I have to shove diner down my throat because I'm not hungry, so I stop eating  but I still get yelled at. I don't act right for you so I don't talk or show expression but I still get yelled at. I do all the chores of others and mine without complaining but I don't get what other get when they do that or you think it's someone else because there's no way I would do that, so I don't do it as much anymore, and I still get yelled at. You nap all day from being tired so when I'm tired I sleep, but I get compared to you're life that I'm to young to do and I get told I'm lazy and treat others like slaves so I don't sleep, and I still get yelled at. You put me in therapy and expect me to tell them everything immediately and come back fully "healed" and ok with life, you give my medication like I'm a sick person and expect me to take it and be "cured" and "normal" again. You throw me outside to get some sun in a place that terrifies me and expect me to be "energised" and want to go out everyday. I get yelled at when I cry, so I don't cry, I get yelled and when I sleep so I don't sleep, I get yelled at when I eat so I don't eat, I get yelled at when I'm in pain so I don't say anything, but ofcourse why would I be left alone after doing all these things. No one sees, knows, thinks, asks, why. They just see me as a question mark and know themselves, think I'm like them and tell me all these things that are wrong. I don't decide because I'm scared, I don't cry because I'm scared, I don't sleep because I'm scared, I don't eat because I'm scared. I don't do things because I'm scared. I'm tired. So for a while, let  me sleep, leave me alone. Forget me. Please.