A Perspective

What's happening

It feels like I haven't been here for the past 11 years. Like I'm constantly in unknown territory, always confused. Always gone. My body goes along but my mind stayed. My body just simply goes along with the other body's blindly. Where is my mind? How old am I? I'm just drifting along, going along with everything. 11 years.... 15? No, what? I'm not... I am? That's wrong. I'm wrong. I'm always gone. This is wrong. What is right? Why is it right? Why am I wrong? I don't understand. Oh wow another year, oh wow another 10, oh wow... what's going on? I'm somewhere that is nowhere but certainly not here.  I am sometime that is no time that is certainly not now. I'm blind. I hear static. I taste blood. I feel cold. I don't feel real. The books on my shelf sit each read or unread but most definitely written by a personality somewhere or nowhere. The shape of a box thought by many, made by one, created by all. A simple movement done by one, claimed by another, called a moosh of letters. A string twisted by nature, redone by human. The thoughts of everyone in physical form are all around, each individual but similarly different. Different sents materials colors texture sound etc. A peice of fabric to cover our natural forms from each other yet we all can still see them in our minds. A letter written by movements sparks noise in the mind to repeat out loud. Why is all this. There is an unreasonable reason for everything which is,  just because it can. It's too much. So many minds everywhere, so many thoughts everywhere.  So many ways yet there is "only one". Everything was made from an idea. But not me. I came out of nowhere, I wasn't an idea or a decision. I just happened. And because I did everyone around me is suffering. I'm an unnecessary use of money, my brain is unordinary and I confuse and torture everyone and myself. So simply put, I'm unnecessary. So why am I here? I don't like it here. No one likes me here. I find the things I'm "supposed" to do stupid and unnecessary yet everyone does it anyway. But some simply leave by themselves because they couldn't bare it either, but for so reason that's bad to? If they chose they had enough then let them, it's better to go by your choice. But that's bad. You have to die "naturally" from living to long, being stupid, or by someone else's choice. But why can't I leave? I want to leave, I need to leave, others want me to leave, others need me to leave. So I'll leave.