Artificial Suns In Alternate Galaxies

Chapter 4

He does see Rhodey on their biweekly – highly useless, but also highly mandatory – Avengers meeting, due just a few days before their scheduled summit.

The arrival of shiny new aliens provides a tactical distraction from Rogers’ usual “your presence at team building events would be propagating good team relations Tony” shtick, however temporarily, and Tony is grateful for the brief respite. He honestly doesn’t think he has the energy to fend off the supersoldier’s pointed comments today, nor does he feel up to dealing with Romanoff’s sad attempts at guilt tripping him into moving back into the Compound.

Moving back with people who chose to become criminals when Tony asked them to sign a document, only to end up signing it a few months later for Rogers.

Yeah, not happening.

The fact that one of those people forced her way into his mind, while another one forced his shield into his chest cavity seems to be lost on the audience at large, with the exception of Rhodey, who is not shying away from voicing his disapproval whenever the group’s carefully worded inquiries start turning into straight up harassment.

Bruce usually opts to leave the meetings early and Ross is bending over backwards in his attempts at peacekeeping, but Rogers is masterfully mindful of the precarious position of their pardons when he places his ‘requests’, so they never warrant anything more than a slap on the wrist. Tony feels Romanoff’s heavy influence on every single word that leaves the soldier’s mouth lately.

The thing is, Tony could retaliate. He knows how to play that game better than Rogers or Romanoff could ever hope to do – a lifetime of experience in the spotlight will make anyone an expert on how to stick to the letter of the law without giving the spirit a second glance.

But Tony is tired. So, so damn tired.

“Tony. Can we talk?”

Rogers is on his heels the moment he steps out of the conference room, repeating the same words in the same sheepish tone as usual. Always asking for permission, never touching or physically blocking his way, never straight up attacking a direct refusal. Steve Rogers has come a long way under Romanoff’s tutelage.

“Busy,” he replies idly, head buried in detailed descriptions of the UGC’s justice system. The spirit of the law certainly plays an integral part of their processes, and Tony wonders how well these people will take to humanity, who made finding loopholes into an art form.

“I know you must have a lot of preparation to do for Thursday,” open acknowledgement of his refusal – check, “but I believe this is important and it will only take a minute,” gentle redirection with the promise of a quick resolution – check.

They don’t use precedents in the Communia. God, what an utter, unresolvable mess that would create around here.

“You have until we reach the front door,” Tony replies without slowing his steps, diving into the section on the education system briefly to understand how hundreds of planets out there manage their divorces without a single court case. The role of money must be substantially different in their lives than it is on Earth.

“Thank you,” overt gratitude for things that would otherwise be common courtesy – check. “I was thinking we could agree on a signal.”

“I already have one. I can project it onto the sky if it helps you sleep at night.”

“Tony.” Disapproving tone when Tony doesn’t take his largely inconsequential business seriously – check. “I mean a signal for the summit. In case you need backup. You know we will be sitting just a few rooms over.”

Ah, yes. The entire meeting will be of course broadcasted real time to the more important peacekeeping entities of the world: the UN Security Council, the NATO, SHIELD, and a few other organizations carefully selected by the UN Councilmembers. Certain governments might get a – possibly censured – copy of the recording later, to prevent international conflicts in case somebody takes offense and decides to become trigger happy.

The Avengers are on the approved list of peacekeeping entities. They are probably the only entity with any real experience with extraterrestrials, so their input on the situation weights more than the others’, much to Tony’s chagrin. He can only hope Rhodey and Ross will be able to rein his ex-teammates in before they bulldoze their way through the situation, with little thought given to collateral damage, as is their wont.

“Tony?”

Ah yes, a signal. One that will cause Rogers and his merry band to storm through the door and save Tony from imminent annihilation by the big bad alien diplomats, and likely start a war they have no hope to win as a bonus.

Just what does the man expect to happen that would warrant a signal exactly? Physical altercations won’t need a secret handshake to become noticeable on a live feed, and Tony honestly cannot imagine a verbal offense that would be worth starting a physical altercation for.

“Sure,” he agrees, opting to get Rogers off his back instead of starting an argument. He wouldn’t be able to follow through on a disagreement, not on maybe ten hours of sleep in as many days. “My safeword is pineapple.”

He hears someone snicker in the background, but can’t tell if it’s Wilson or Lang. Definitely not Barton – the archer wouldn’t deign to acknowledge Tony’s existence if it killed him, not since Laura gave him the divorce papers.

“uh… pineapple?”

Tony can imagine the confused expression on the soldier’s face, but he doesn’t dare look up for confirmation. He hasn’t looked Rogers in the eye since they returned from Wakanda. As long as Tony doesn’t look, he can trick his brain into thinking he’s not talking to the man whose face still haunts his nightmares: arms poised for a final strike, Tony’s own blood dripping onto his face from the edge of his father’s shield.

Back in Siberia, he genuinely thought that was going to be the last image to ever grace his eyes.

“Yep, pineapple. Take it or leave it.”

“Oh… okay, I guess. Bit unusual, but… we’ll be listening for it.”

Now there is definite laughter coming from the group, and Tony identifies the owner of the voice as Scott Lang. He figures the guy wouldn’t be half bad if he’d just… chose the objects of his worship with a bit more care. And background research.

He doesn’t wait for Lang to explain how “he’s just pulling your leg man” to Rogers, but thankfully he doesn’t have to – the door stops the good Captain from dishonoring his word and following Tony outside.

Guess he should be grateful for Natasha’s tips on “how to handle a butthurt billionaire”, after all.