Last days

Chapter 14

The paper was easy, but then again I was good at chemistry so I don't know. She did not talk to me after my initial comment, I may have said it rudely. We did not speak all day, and till the day of the last exam.

I was on the last bench, the window behind me facing to the west. The orange of the sunset every day at its time would turn my white paper into orange too. And for a few seconds every day, I would let go of my complex feelings and steal a glance at her, her hair and her skin shining like if not more than gold under the rays of the setting sun. Truly a sight to behold, and a reminder of why my heart melted for her.

On the last day of the exam (paper English), at his divine time, the sun again spilt his orange buckets in the room, on my paper and on her. and I sat there for the last 10 minutes just admiring what the sun painted. I had already written too much, and I decided to kick back and have a few minutes to take in the last moments and process. that my school was over, and the final bell, was in fact final.

Today, the stern invigilator seemed not too stern. she was smiling often and decided to take answer sheets from the last section. Thus, I was last to leave. And I had no hurry at all, even though it was not my school; I felt sad as I left the classroom. I guess all schools share that vibe, a feeling that said you can act like a child here.

***

I got to my Vespa in the parking lot, Ananya was waiting there. I guess it is time to sort this out.

"I am sorry! for judging you." I said, "But I need some time."

"No, let me just say it. I am sorry! I should have told you. I started dating Nikhil, at the beginning of high school." she said, Nikhil was at the far end of the parking lot, he was looking at us. "Or at least, I was," she said.

"For two years you didn't tell me, wow! and what about the other guy?" I asked, not mincing my words again. This is no time to hold back.

"Akshay, I had a crush on him and I thought I should give it a shot."

"While you were dating him?" I said, eye-pointing to Nikhil.

She kept looking down, at the concrete pavement. "We have been friends for five years, I should have told you. I am sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"What if I say, I still love you? would you go out with me?" I asked.

She looked at me and then at the pavement and then at me, "I have always thought of you as a friend," she said.

It felt more painful than I thought it would. I gathered whatever was left of my heart and said, "It's not your fault. It's mine, I have hurt myself there." she looked at me holding her moist tears. they broke, running down her cheeks. Well, at least those tears are for me. And I am sure of that.

I managed to smile, without any remorse, "Ana, I don't blame you, you did what you wanted to do. that's one of million things that made me fall for you. But now that we are here, I need to move on." I said, with a heavy throat, "I need some time off, I look forward to seeing you again when I am over you. Goodbye." I said, looking into her hazel eyes. She didn't want me to leave, but she didn't stop me either. And it is over, the only love story of my school life is an unrequited one.

-----

"Life is an act of letting go.

But,

What hurts most, is not taking a moment to say goodbye"

-

Irrfan Khan (LOP)

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