America

< 18 >

My phone rings. I look at it 'Mitch is calling' the call ends 10 missed calls. I set my phone down get up from my bed and stumble over to my computer. I sit Indian style on my chair and wiggle my mouse until the bright screen illuminates my raw face. I rub my eyes like it would help get the sad ache out of my body I then open up twitter and click on a random follower @Graser24
(this is just a random account.... That follows my Twitter so yeah...)
I scroll through her tweets like the stalker I am until I get bored and feel even worse about myself. I close out of the internet and pull my knees to my chest and stare at my adventure time desk top. There was a knock on my door... Maybe if I don't answer it they will go away. Yeah I should stop thinking that because the knob slowly turns and the door creeks open.
"Hey Al"
I didn't respond.
"Ummm... What's wrong"
I started crying
"Dude why are you crying"
Ike chuckles and comes in and awkwardly half hugs my head.
"I am a fuck up"
"Why do you think that"
"I just embarrassed myself in front of two of best friends and I don't know what to do"
"You know you sound stupid"
"Gee thanks for the support"
"Seriously if they were your friends they wouldn't judge you and plus what did you do that was so embarrassing that made your friends 'hate' you"
"You remember a few years ago how I used to hang out with Jon"
"You didn't" his face got grim.
"I know it was stupid but I needed it"
"What the hell Al what kind of pills this time" he sounded angry
"I don't know Jon gave them to me when he knew I was moving... He said that they would ease the pain"
"Fucking Al you're an idiot why would you take drugs from him you know what happened last time"
"I wanted to let go"
"Let go from what we are living an amazing life"
"I'm stressed ike you don't understand"
"What do I not understand please tell me so I can understand"
"I am fucking stress what else is there to understand" I shout louder than I expected to. He stares at me.
"Why? What's stressing you out"
"Everything! I hate it here!"
Tear rolled down my face.
"It's going to be ok Al"
I shake my head. My family is all kinds of fucked up we should not be allowed to give advice to each other. My brother is depressed bulimic my mom is an angry alcoholic and I am a suicidal druggie. I guess we kind of deserve each other.
Ike leave the room without saying anything and I was tired of crying so I decide I needed to stop. This is not going to get the best of me. I got up and went to take a shower.
------------------30 minutes later--------------
As I put my nirvana tee on my phone rings I look at it and it reads 'Mitch is calling' I answer it.
"Hello"
"America" he sounded surprised that I had answered and I also hear some murmuring in the background.
"Yeah"
"Umm where are you"
"Home"
"Where were you earlier"
"Ummm I went for a walk" I lie. I know they had tried to see me and like a good little bro Ike told them I wasn't here.
"Oh were you still coming to the park tonight"
"Oh I forgot all about it yeah I'm on my way"
"Ok good... See you there"
"Yeah ok" I say as I Hang up the phone
I finish getting dressed and I head to the park.

I sit in the parking lot for a while just staring at my sterling wheel. Then suddenly someone loudly taps my window.
"Holy shit you scared me brain"
I get out and see him literally on the ground laughing.
"Listen it wasn't that funny" I say as a smile spreads across my face.
"Y-you Sh-sh-should've seen your F-Face!"
I smile and help him up as he is hyperventilating.
"Do you know where everyone is"
"Yeah follow me" he says in between little bursts of laughter.
As we walk over to where everyone is I hear laughter and talking. When they see me they all go dead silent and I feel like the bearded lady at the freak show with all their eyes staring at me.
I smile and slightly wave. Some people continue there conversations as before but others just stared at my every move. I sat down put my hands in my lap and looked down. I guess everyone had heard about my little mishap in the hall with Garett and out in the field with Mitch. I had to accept that I was the psycho American who locked her front door and took random pills for fun. I guess Brain felt my uncomfortableness because he sat beside me hugged me. Who know that all I wanted was a hug. As many people know hugs are very valuable and powerful weapons that can pull on your emotional strings. People hug to say goodbye...to say hello...to say please stay...to say I'm sorry....to say it's going to be alright ...to say congratulations ...to say I missed you...to say I love you... To say I trust you... This simple action of wrapping your hands around someone and letting them know you care can literally change there life.
I hug him back and then it's like a hug competition everyone hugs me and we just hug for what seemed like forever. Then they slowly let go I was hoping they could have stayed that way a little longer but like all good things it came to an end. A few rebellious tears escaped from my tear ducts and I wiped them away. I smiled at my friends. it was like everything was forgotten they forgave me and we went back normal or what was considered normal before with Brayden cracking on Mitch and hyme flirting with Ely. And Garrett gossiping about Amanda being pregnant. Yup normal...this is good but I am afraid it won't last for much longer.