INSOMNOS

2: Funeral Sound

Sunday, December 22nd 2017, 2:10AM

Eight days. Jeno had to survive eight more days. Since December 30th, 2015, sleep had been his worst enemy. He had a specific procedure he followed in order to avoid sleep as much as possible. It was excruciating to say the least. Jeno only slept two full days every week, three days if his migraines were hindered him from doing anything. The days when he slept were what Jeno called his "days of reaping" or his "Grim days," which were terms only his family and friends knew about. During his "reaping," he locked himself in his room and forced himself to sleep. Sleeping pills usually did the trick, but the toughest part of it all was having to wake up with a terrifying panic attack. He always had one, following the most fucked up nightmares imaginable. On Jeno's days of reaping, he was forced to relive his traumas.

Grim days in December were different, especially in late December. Jeno slept on the first two weekends, but once the month hit the twenties, he rotted like a corpse until the first of January hit. Jeno's nightmares were viciously difficult to cope with during these last days of the year, so he would rather torture himself in the world. It was especially hard to keep himself away today though and he knew exactly why. That fucking prick Jaemin Na threw me off. Jeno grew more exhausted if he was emotionally distressed because he expressed his emotions physically. When he got home on Friday, all he could think about was Jaemin. The last thing Jaemin said to him kept pounding his brain like a migraine.

"When he's awake...he is nothing."

Fuck you, that hurt. Jeno tried to blow some steam off by screaming to Suicide Silence songs all day and although screaming was his favorite thing to do, it wasn't the smartest decision if you were suffering from crippling somniphobia.

Jeno stood in the middle of his room, lifting weights at two in the morning. His brain was shutting down, yet his heart rate was speeding up like crazy. His body would give in eventually and it freaked him out. He couldn't pass out. Jeno threw the dumbbell on his bed. He had all of his belongings piled on it because he didn't use it. Sleeping on the floor made it easier for him to wake up just in case he got too comfortable. His room was pretty much empty aside from his band posters taped carelessly all over the walls and a desk in front of his window that had stacks of vinyls and CDs on it. He didn't have a chair because he didn't like sitting down either. If he stopped moving, he would instantly pass out.

He laced both of his hands through his wet black hair. He took a cold shower ten minutes ago and sweat was already forming all over his body from the workout and anxiety. His grip on his hair tightened until his head ached from the pulling. Pain kept him awake, hurting himself had become a custom over the years. Nearly enjoyable. He was almost numb to it. He wished there was a metal show he could crash right now so he could get the moshers to jump him. Getting hurt in the pit was his favorite way of punishing himself. Not only did pain keep him awake, but he deserved to get it. Always. For fucks sake, do something.

Jeno took a deep breath. As he exhaled, the sound of rain drizzled against his window. Has it been raining this whole time? He checked his phone and the weather app indicated a thunderstorm was rolling over the city in ten minutes. He let out a sigh of relief. Without hesitation, Jeno grabbed his ripped jeans and a sleeveless System Of A Down shirt from a heap of clothes in the corner of his room. Once he put his clothes on, he left his phone on his bed and snatched his dream notebook from under the mattress. The notebook was his lifeline and he took it everywhere he went. He rolled it up and stuffed it in the back pocket of his pants.

Jeno quietly slipped out of his room, making sure his dad couldn't hear him since his room was right across from his. Their apartment was tiny and the walls were paper thin. They used to have downstairs neighbors but now no one lived there because of the numerous complaints thanks to Jeno's non-stop screaming and stomping. The only reason they haven't been evicted yet was because their landlord had the biggest crush on Jeno's dad. Who the hell didn't? He was the most charismatic and wisest man anyone could meet. The opposite of his son.