pretty boy / rinney

4

TW: mention of rape
I finished the day trying to act normal and ignore anything that reminded me of lunch. I believe Robin noticed I didn't want to talk about, because he never spoke a word.
___
I got Gwen after school and explained the plan for tomorrow. She agreed.
___
Saturday came around and a low key dreaded going to his place. I don't even know why I agreed to it. It's been like 4 days since I met him.

I went to tell Gwen bye but she cut me off.

"Finney."
She sounded.. like.. weird..? "Yea?" I questioned. "I have a real weird question" just those words made my heart sink thinking of every single thought I've had for the past weeks.

"Uh.. what's up?"
"are you gay?"
"What?!" I laughed. He didn't know why. "I- wha- why are you asking me this!" I laughed again.

"Finney."
"I-..."
"yes Gwen. I am."
I wasn't actually sure. I just knew I was a bigger fan of men.

"Oh.. i- okay! I- I love you"
"love you too"
___
I shuffled my playlist and as a walked to the Arellano's house the conversation replayed in my mind on repeat.

back and forth back and forth.
the awkwardness
the emotions
the anxiety
every. last. part.
replayed.

I looked down at my legs. My jeans. I knew what I was hiding under those jeans. No one knew about it. Not Gwen. Not dad. Not Robin. Nobody.

Nobody but the culprit.
The one who caused my pain.
My anxiety.
My depression.
The reason I wore jeans, wore long pj pants to bed every night, the reason I hid my legs.

Is because of him.
The man.
The one that gave me the massive scar down my thigh.
The one that stole my innocence.
The one that made me a murderer.
The one that ruined my life.

I realized what I was doing.
I was overthinking again.

I looked up trying to forget those last 5 minutes in a matter of seconds.

I was there. The Arellano's.

I knocked on the door. A woman opened it.
"Hello? You are?"
"Finney, Finney Blake. Is Robin home?
"Robin!!" She yelled towards a stair case. "Yes he is" she moved her body showing him walk down the stairs.
___
Later she left and I began to walk up the stairs with him. "Why am I here?" I asked him.
"Well I originally invited you over because you were cute but I know to much now." He explained.

Cute. I assumed it was a friendly way. He called Gwen cute all the time. They're sibling though.

"What do you mean you know to much?" I asked. "You told me a snippet of the grabber. I want to know more. Curiosity gets the best of me."

"What the fuck?" I say laughing in shock of how rude that is.

"What? If you don't trust me you don't have to tell me" he turned back around and went up the last stair.

I thought about it. He's the only person who's invited to his house. The only person who cared when I cried. Even if he makes me feel off. He should know.

I'd think he'd understand. I don't how. I just think he'd be.. nice about it??

"Finney!" He yelled.
"What?"
"You're zoned out again" he said laughing.
"Oh.. sorry"
___
After a room tour I got comfortable. We had nothing to do, so I told him.

"I'll tell you what happened"
"What?"
"The grabber.. "my story"" I put dialogue fingers around my story as I said it. It wasn't fake, it was my story.

"Alright. Im listening!" He sounded excited. Why was he excited!? Stop Finney. Just explain.

"I was walking home and some magician..."
I explained. I got to a part where I was scared to speak. Scared of his reaction. I didn't want pity.

"And uhh.. he uh... he like.. whipped me.. and I uh.." I started to shake my leg.

Robins face looked as if he knew what I was about to say.

"He kind of like.. well he was a pedophile.. so he did what they do... are you understanding this?"

It was the easiest way I could say it.