How Dare You [ReidxReader] - 2nd Edition

(23) Fallout

When Spencer and you enter the bar, he still looks like he is in another dimension. Of course, it's a fancy place. Rossi greets you with a bright smile and you're glad that you put on a nice blazer and your hair up properly.

Morgan and Garcia are already sitting at the bar, ordering shots.

"They really don't waste any time, huh?" You point at them. Rossi chuckles and you sit down next to him, Spencer following you.

"What about JJ and Hotchner?" You ask. Rossi shrugs his shoulder.

A waitress comes over to take your order but before you can open your mouth Rossi choses your drinks. You know that Spencer probably doesn't want any alcohol, so you add a diet coke to the order.

He gives you a thankful smile when you slide it towards him. Rossi scuffs but laughs when you take both drinks he ordered for Spencer and you. You try them and conclude: "Impeccable."

For some reason, your start to feel cold. The temperature didn't change, you are dressed appropriately. Nevertheless, you want to go back to bed. Maybe you're tired? You did sleep enough in the last nights, so there wouldn't really be a reason for that.

You play with the edge of the napkin in font of you and try to listen to what Rossi and Spencer are talking about. You do manage to chime in, but it's like you're sitting in the next booth, watching yourself interact with them.

You're so good at pretending that nothing is wrong that no one notices how your smile vanishes as soon as they stop looking at you or how your eyes do not focus on anything. You take your hands off the table and rub your palms over your thighs. The friction heats up your palms but has no other helpful effect.

You gulp down the rest of your drink, hoping the alcohol burning in your throat might help. Of course, it does not. Then the ringing in your ears starts. It's loud and highly unpleasant. You move your jaw in order to clear your ears. It makes the tiniest difference.

In your weirdly tranced state, you only notice that Hotchner and JJ arrived when Spencer turns his body away from you to talk to JJ. It's a totally innocent gesture, but you ball your hands into fists.

Him and JJ are chatting quietly, leaning towards each other. You know that it's stupid. You know that Spencer and you just had sex. But it still makes your heart heavy. Are you too possessive? Do you expect him to be as isolated as you are?

You cannot stand the tension inside you anymore and excuse yourself to the bathroom.

Eying yourself up and down, you let cold water run over your wrists. The blow you took to your forehead left a visible scar. One of many. Your eyes look tired. Suddenly, the insides of your elbows start to itch. It's like they have been lit on fire.

Ripping the blazer off you, you push your blouse up to examine them. They seem redder than usual. You start to rub them as if you could scratch them off your skin. Your breathing and pulse quicken.

Stumbling backwards into a stall, you try to calm yourself down. Your whole body feels like it's on fire and freezing at the same time. You feel every single scar and mark on your skin. Rubbing your thighs, you try to ground yourself once more.

You're so fucked up. Way too fucked up for someone precious like Spencer. JJ isn't like that. She is small and cute and sweet.

Why are you spiraling so hard? Is it because your body isn't used to the amount of endorphin you felt earlier? Are you crashing like you are coming down from a trip? Come on. You have been gone for way too long already. Get out, smile, make it through another hour, go home.