ONLY A DRINK ¦ KNJ ✔️

17.

It was a starry night, with the moon shining down on us. A few minutes passed, neither of us knowing what to say, how to start. A cold breeze, made me cross my arms, keeping me warm. Namjoon shifted next to me, laying his suit-jacket over my shoulders. "Here" he says, I nod at him smiling.

"You know... I never wanted any of these things to happen. Of course, not the meeting-you-part, all the other things... ahm..." I chuckled at his rambled words.

"The day I saw you in front of the painting, I couldn't take my eyes off you, all I knew was that I had to get to know you, or at least talk to you. The glint in your eyes, while you studied the art around you, made me want you to look at me like that." He stopped a moment, starring into the sky. His profile was mesmerizing in the moonlight.

"It was actually the first time, I was glad about my clumsiness. That way I could start the conversation with you. Your smile and the way you talked, made me realize that my first impression was right, I had to get to know you. But as you asked for my name, my entire brain stopped working. I would have never imagined you wouldn't recognize me... So, I said the first name that came to my mind, the one of a leader... I regretted it the moment I spoke, but I didn't want you to be judgmental, it has been such a long time, that anyone wouldn't know me...I wanted you to meet the real me, but I realized too late, that that wasn't even possible" He faced me, our eyes meeting. He had a pleading look, wanting me to understand him. "Our first night was magical... not just the sex, also our talk, our similarities. I knew I had to meet you again, but you were gone..." he rubbed his neck, before talking again "Meeting you again, wasn't a coincidence... I searched your name, and found out that you were acquainted to the Artist... You don't know how happy I was, as you agreed to see me again"

"I wanted to tell you the truth here and then, but I was a coward, not wanting you to see me differently, act different. Each time we met I wanted to tell you, but whenever you asked a personal question, I freaked out, knowing it was too late to tell you, without you leaving me... So I kept on being Joon for you." He gulped, fidgeting his hands nervously.

"You're right... I probably would have been angry at you, feeling betrayed... but I would have heard it from you, and not the way it all went down. You could've showed honest regret, and this way it was more like you felt sorry for being busted..." I wanted to be honest to him, just like he was to me now. He looked back at me again, regret masking his handsome face. He pulled his hands into mine, caressing my knuckles with his thumb.

"I'm so sorry for the horrible words I said to you... I knew you would've never used one of us for our money, our status. But I got so jealous of Taehyung, that he could talk to you, be with you, make you laugh, just be himself... And the way you told me about how you met him, how you didn't care about his status, the way you accepted him... I felt so stupid, for thinking that you would not like the real me. I was angry at myself, but let it out on you... "

I should've drawn my hands back, but his warmth calmed me down

"Your words hurt me, deep. I felt dirty and I hurt even more, that you would think about me like this... how could I judge a person so wrong, being fooled so stupidly... And getting drunk, disturbing Tae was even more humiliating... I asked to much from him that night. But I kinda wanted him to know how I felt, so maybe you would notice it, and feel guilty... "

"I thought that you never knew it was me..." Namjoon huffed. I furrow my brows, what was him?

"After I yelled at Tae, I went back to apologize, but he was on the phone, sounding concerned. As he noticed me, he pushed a note into me, saying 'she needs you, go get her'. I immediately knew he was talking about you... So I got to the bar, and brought you back to your apartment, feeling like the biggest asshole on this planet, for making you like this" I could only stare at him. He was the one carrying me back? It wasn't a dream? But why would Tae not say anything? So he could ask me to come to concert! I smiled at Tae's try to bring us together.

"I thought it was a dream..." I chuckled. He smiled shyly at me, but then his smile faltered as he continued.

"Tae didn't tell me he invited you, maybe it would have changed something, if I could've prepared myself...I saw you the moment I stepped on the stage. It was like the spotlight was aimed at you, not me. My first though was how happy I was to see you, that you maybe wanted to talk to me... But then I saw him. How he held you, protected you from the crowd, laughed, singed with you. I wanted that to be me, I wanted to be the man in your life. So I got angry. Angry that you already forgot about me, about us. That you didn't feel the same I did..."

"So you attacked me with the most horrible words once again. Making me feel like a awful person." My voice was flat and sad.

A single tear fell down my face, as all the feelings of that night crushed over me again. Namjoon gently wiped the tear from my cheek and let his hand rest there, our faces close.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you... never... I- I didn't know what to do with all those feelings for you. I never felt this way before, they overpowered me. I acted the worst possible way, I know that. I'm not like this! I'm a very calm person, I don't jump to conclusions, or act before thinking... But with you... it's different"

My tears roll now uncontrollably. "You know, I really wanted to talk to you at the concert. Trying to settle things between us. I actually even had a tiny bit of hope, we could become friends again... But-"

"But I ruined everything once again." He stated, holding my face gently in his palms, wiping my tears. "Dahae, I would do anything to get your trust back, I really need you in my life. The last months without you were like hell... And since they remind me of you, I don't carry any band aids with me anymore. And I'm still clumsy, like a lot. Please, I-I like you, a lot" I chuckle at his statement.

I lay my hands on top of his, undo his grip on my face, intertwining our fingers. "I don't want to be responsible for your clumsiness being unprotected... But... I don't think I can trust you right away, but I would love to be friends with you. I like you too, a lot" His wide smile warms my heart, and his dimples make me feel butterflies...