ONLY A DRINK ¦ KNJ ✔️

18.

I never felt this nervous before. Today would be my first official Date with Namjoon.

After the wedding, we started to hang out more, and he told me about himself, his real self. And I liked Kim Namjoon way more, than Jinho. I had to admit myself, that I wanted to give us another chance, whatever the outcome may be. Knowing that we both liked each other, made it easier to commit to it.

After two months he asked me out on a date, an official date, a 'dinner and movie date'. I smiled so much through the whole morning, that even Woojin started to shake his head.

We did a mini fashion show in my bedroom, figuring out the perfect outfit for me. After the 10th change of clothes, I collapsed on my bed.

"It's pointless, nothing seems right!" I pout. "No, wifey, we're gonna find the perfect one, making him look at you like: 'Damn! look at this gorgeous, sexy woman! I was such a stupid idiot to let her go!' And then he asks you to marry him, and I finally can be an uncle, and more important, get all the BTS- Merch I ever dreamed off, for free!" Woojin's eyes sparkled as he spoke, thoughts far away in his dreamland.

All I could do was laugh and shake my head at his audacity. "Nice, that you have this already planned out, but I don't think this is what will happen. And I think I also must give my agreement for this marriage-"

"So you would consider it?? OMG WIFEEYY! I'm so happy for you!", he gets a hold of my hands, pulls me off the bed and starts to jump around.

"Omg! Woojin, NO! I never said that! You're delusional!" With a dramatic sigh, he stopped hopping, and we got back to our outfit problem.

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After, I don't know how many clothes later, Woojin was more than delighted with our result, stating he created art... We decided on pumps, over-knee socks, a beige skirt, a white blouse, and a black coat. I felt waay to overdressed, but at the same time, I really wanted Namjoon to look at me as Woojin described it...

Namjoon would pick me up at my place, so I waited outside by the parking lot. The weather was rather cold for fall, so I wrapped myself in my coat, feeling the cold breeze on my thighs. His car pulled up, and I immediately started to smile. I ran up to him, not wanting him to get out and being recognized.

"Ah it's so cold!" I shiver as I get in the passenger seat. I turn my head toward him smiling, but he's just staring at me, blushing.

"Is something wrong?" I should've worn something more casual... He averts his gaze

"You look gorgeous... but... ahm... Your skirt is a bit... well..." I look down at myself.

„Shit!"

My skirt had slid up, whilst I was sitting down, nearly revealing my panties. I tug hard, as I pull it down aggressively.

"I-I... sorry..." We both stay silent, but as we look at each other, we burst out laughing.

"I guess we're both nervous..." Namjoon says, slicking his hair back. I nod at him, smiling embarrassed, as he drives off.

We arrive at the restaurant, where we're being accompanied to our private booth, far away from curious gazes. Will it always be like this? Hiding from everyone, just to go have a meal? What about the movie later? Did he rent the entire theater? I never really thought about what it means to be with 'Kim Namjoon'...

„What are you thinking about?" After blinking a few times, I get out of my thoughts, looking at Namjoon.

„It's nothing-"

„It's not. Tell me", he stares me down. I sigh and tell him about my previous thoughts.

„It's stupid... but... can we ever have like a normal date? Or do we always have to hide ourselves? Where do we watch the movie? Can we even go into the cinema? Or do you have a bodyguard with you at all times? Or when we're dating, can I walk with you hand in hand in the park? Can I go shopping with you, kiss you, hug you? Can I tell my friends about you? Or only after a few years? Do I have to sign a contract? I... I'm sorry I know that's not a topic to talk about on our first date, but I can't seem to think about anything else..." I stared into my hands on my lap, not knowing how he will react.

„Dahae, look at me", Namjoon says as he gently pushes my chin up, locking our eyes. „That aren't stupid questions. I think about this all the time. I know I have to restrict you with our relationship, and it's not easy to be a normal couple. To be with me, comes with a lot of restrictions, a lot of pressure. I think that's one of the reasons I didn't tell you who I really was. Then as Kim Namjoon I can't do everything I want to do, I have limits, limits a normal man wouldn't have, a man that would be able to give you more than I can. But at the same time, I can give you things others are only dreaming off. I know that you don't care about money or fame, but because of that I can give you different possibilities.

I fear everyday that you will leave me for someone 'normal'. But I know I wouldn't be able to be without you. I knew it when we met, as well as the day I lost you, and I can't do this again. You mean too much to me, and this date today, made me so happy, cause my hopes rose that you will be with me, even with all those restrictions. I wanna hug you, kiss you. Fuck I want to yell into the entire world that I want you to be mine, to let everyone know, that you belong to me, as I belong to you. But I won't be able to do this, cause I fear that it will only hurt you. So, if you are willing to try a relationship with me, I will show you a world you would have never guessed existed, but connected with boundaries who are new for you."

The more he said, the more I realized that I wanted him, no matter the sacrifices I had to make for it to happen. Our eyes are still connected as I speak.

"I want to explore this world with you, despite the limits and boundaries it will bring with. All because I know you will be part of this world, our world." By the time the last word rolled over my tongue, I felt Namjoon shift and his lips were on mine, gentle and soft. He ends our kiss, our foreheads touching.

"I love you Dahae..." I felt one single tear fall down my cheek.

"I love you too Namjoon"

We both smile like idiots, getting ready for our meal as the waiter comes in, Namjoon holding my hand tight under the table. I feel as if all the weight is finally off my shoulders, expectantly looking forward to the rest of my date with Namjoon.