State of Grace

Chapter 1

Lucas

Sometimes I wonder kung normal ba maging ganto katahimik ang buhay. Sometimes it feels perfect but sometimes it feels monotonous. I was scrolling in my gallery memories. It was mostly awards, certificates, prestige. As it should, mom and dad can see this.

There were vaguely any one there, just my two only pals. Time flies in so fast and there were nothing but the trophies and medals I earned that made proof that I was still alive, in the last year of high school.

Lakas ng ulan sa labas. I was lying below that narra tree sa harap ng open grounds ng school. It was part of the cafeteria and mahangin don. Minsan inaasar pako ng club members ko na don nako nakatira. Sayang lang at sobrang lamig ngayon. Theres occasional drop of rain that reaches my face too.

On my view,  I can see the sports department sa sarapan ko. It was a damn tall building. Malaki ren iyon. Sa pinakababa nga lang ay ang fine arts department, dami ko pa kailangan don. 

Tamad ko tol.

At mas lumakas nanga ang ulan kayat natapos ang pagtunganga ko dahil mahirap ng umuwi. Minadali ko pa lahat ng gamit ko at pagdating sa hallway ay parang lasog lasog na bag ko. Binuksan ko locker ng mga files ng kaklase ko at, tumunganga. Ewan ko, Im in an error state these days. Bigat pa nung porfolios nila, president duties.

May naririnig akong ingay sa kabilang room, which Im pretty sure lockers den kaso sa sports department. May changing rooms and showers den ata. Kumulog pa ng malakas at napaharurot nalang talaga ako palabas, mahaba hallway at kahit  malakas sa labas, tahimik paren dito. Speaking of tahimik, 2 months na pala ako di nakakabayad ng upa , bat kaya hindi ako- "Kuya"

Napalingon ako sa isang lalaki na naka sando ng varsity. "Gamit nyo po"  A deep voice made me look back to his direction and I saw all my stuffs. Laglag silang lahat, hinangin pa yung ibang papel ng classmates ko. Sinubukan kong takbuhin lahat hanggang lumuhod narin yung lalaki sa harapan ko at tulungan ako, basa yung lapag at delikado pag nabasa rin ito. 

I looked at his face though, hindi sya mukhang bata, pale face, sweaty arms, arched lips, safe to say Im a little distracted. I felt my cheeks became uncomfortable though. For some reason I think his were eyes staring deep. What was he thinking?  'Bat kaya natitig sakin tong mukhang pulubi nato'  

I break off the stare, it felt like minutes passed. Buti nalang walang papel na nabasa, ayaw ko malintikan ng kung sino. Nilakad ko ng mabalis yung hallway baka kung ano pang gawin ko dito. I kinda like looking at him though, should I go back again? The fuck was that?! Hulog ko kaya uli gamit ko? Haist.

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Club day ngayon at naka upo kami ng kaibigan ko sa gilid ng hallways scrolling through our phones. Wala silang meet ngayon dahil kahapon naka schedule yung kanila. This big school does that often so that students dont cram in the hallways and it works.  

"3400 sa rent, 1k sa internet, magkano kaya bebe? May budget ako 200" Sabi ko kay Gel, bestfriend ko. "May kasama ako hot shot sa track and field" 

"Wow kilala mo? Reto moko" "Ka club koyan dati sa publishing, daming issue dyan don sa mga ex nya e." 

Mga multimedia club nga naman, source ng lahat ng chismis. Upon checking the papers ng mga kaklase ko, inabot akong gabi dahil sobrang dami nila at hindi naman ako nag rereklamo dahil need ko extra credits. "Malay mo nasa hallway ang true love" Hinampas ko ng mahina yung kamay nya at sumigaw naman to sa overreacttion. Hulog koto sa second floor e. Mali talagang sinasabihan to ng mga chismis at ganap.

"Nakita mona post ni tita?" "Ano cryptic na naman?" I said as I scrolled through the emails of my landlord telling me to pay rent, due bills from different sources, and update on the scholarship grant sa school. "Bat daw kung sino pa yung mahihirap, sila pa yung pabida? Papansin daw sa mga mayayaman amp" "Ah, okay sabihin mo sa kanya try again next time, idol ko si jollibee bakit ba"  Kala ko sa libro at movies lang nag eexist ang mga ganong tao, sobrang smartshaming. I was wrong. But yea, its been happening since I transferred as a scholar dito sa high end school nato.