Scales and Swords ✓

66: Foolish

Have you ever walked so far without knowing where you are going? Have you ever found yourself somewhere not knowing how you got there?

As I laid on that warm mattress and stared out at the raging storm, I wondered how I came to be there.

The door creaked open and candle light spewed into the room. Philip entered, a tray of steaming food in one hand and a lamp in the other. He smiled slightly, hesitant almost. His smiles are never hesitant.

I sat up, feeling like my skin had grown too heavy to bear. Each pulse of my heart was a pinch. I didn't want to be.

"You should eat, you've barely ate."

I took the tray but I knew I wouldn't eat. Eating was the last thing on my mind. He turned away to leave when his name left my lips. "Won't you keep me company?"

He bristled but turned round. Despair crossed his countenance. He lowered to the floor, leaned against the wall and didn't speak a word.

"I'm sorry if I haven't been myself for awhile." But as I said it, I wondered who myself was.

"Don't be. If you feel like crying, don't hold back your tears. If you feel like talking, don't hold back your thoughts. If you need a hug, I'm always here. Till it hurts a little less, I'll wait."

His words warmed me to the core. "I've been thinking." Thinking's all I had been doing when I wasn't just breathing. "You should leave."

His gaze burned into the side of my face. And his tone, if it was any indication, told me my words cut him deep. "Why would I?"

"Because I can't lose you too." My hands trembled. "I can't have you having such thoughts of rebellion. I can't have you put yourself in danger."

A moment passed, filled only by the crash of a million rain drops beating against the roof and the earth.

"I'm glad I met you," he said. "I'm glad I got to know you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry if I ever regreted meeting you, knowing being by you meant I had to give up everything. But what has happened, has happened and if Time were to give me another chance, I can say without hesitation I'd do it all over again. Because you thought me something I wouldn't have discovered on my own, love. The foolish kind of love that encompasses all."

His gaze met mine and his eyes communicated so much more than his words ever could.

"Don't do it Philip."

"I'm too far gone now. This is bigger than you and I and you know that. If we should be apart, I'll let you walk away but I won't."

Fear shackled me in place. Fear of chaos. Fear of failure. Fear of loss. "If anything happens to you, I'll never forgive myself for allowing you to follow the path straight to Death."

He cracked a small smile. "My Dad said something very similar to that. I didn't look back then. And I won't look back now."

"If I lose you then I might just lose myself."

"Then protect me and I'll protect you."

His words suddenly gained new meaning. Once a sappy promise now an offer of comradship. "You think I should rebel?"

"Believe me, I'd much rather have the people who hurt you continue to suffer under the reign of King Arthur. At least I did. But I know you wouldn't want that. Not at the cost of others like you who suffer the consequences of their parents' love."

"Who's to say Cyr and his men will succeed?"

"I believe if enough voices shout loud enough, his majesty will hear and perhaps even listen. And if enough fists are raised we can crumble even the castle walls should our pleas fall upon deaf ears."