too vulnerable. ||vancexbruce|| tbp

too cloudy..

too cloudy..

"poor little vance used to always quit but he never really quit he just says he did."

BLAME IT ON MY PLAYLIST GUYS!!

another Vance pov guys 😉

~~

I buy a pack of smokes at the store, I get it from my friend Ronnie. I told Bruce I would quit but I didn't, and I won't.

I'm sorry I lied, it's just. Fuck. Everything is so fucked up right now, I can't think straight.

I'm just gonna go to the junk yard me and Bruce went to. I miss him, but he's been busy. He had to go back to school of course, and me? Well I didn't.

It's almost Halloween too, so maybe we'll talk about it later. I jump on the car we sat on and pull out the cigarettes.

I grab a lighter and light it while my hand hovers over the roaring flame. I breathe it into my lungs and huff it out. I sigh, what am I doing here?

What am I doing? I should be at home, playing with Riley or cooking with my mom. But no, I'm smoking and fucking my lungs.

I take another whiff, maybe it's not them. It's me, my dad, mom, and sister.

Maybe it's me.

I'm the one being distant from everyone, I could go to school with Bruce. I could be with my family, but I choose this. I punch my head constantly. I really do have problems, mentally.

I just wish I could be one of those kids with two amazing parents, a perfect life with perfect teeth and perfect mental health. I wish I were someone else.

Someone fit for Bruce, my mom would show me love and my dad would love me. Ah shit, I've huffed down about 5 cigarettes by now. I grab another, and light it.

It's my fault. What if I wasn't around, who would care? Eventually everyone moves on from death, but mine? Everyone would be happy!

My sister would have a loving father and mother, Bruce would have a fitter partner, and no one would be so scared anymore.

When you think about like that, what am I still here for? I smoke another cigarette, I then look down at the half burnt cig.

I slowly lower it down to my wrist, I press it down. Ah fuck! Shit that hurts, fuck! "Argh!" I yell out. I hear birds flutter away from the noise.

I look down to see a nasty cigarette burn, i should've done that. Bruce is gonna know.

I smoke the rest of the pack and shove the lighter in my pocket. I start to walk back home. My wrist hurts.

I'm guessing school is out since I walk past and see people passing by. Then at the worst time ever, I see Bruce.

"Vance? Is that you blondie!" He runs over and hugs me by the waist.

"Bruce were in public!" I mumble.

"I don't care, I missed you so much." I smile and shove him off. He pauses and sniffs around me. He kisses me.

I kiss back but he instantly lets go, I give a confused look.

"Vance, have you been smoking?" Aw fuck. I look around and see we're alone in the back of the school.

"Um, you want the truth or half-truth?" I joke. He glares at me, "The truth." He says. I sigh.

"Yes, the whole fucking pack." He sighs. He walks off and dosent even say bye.

"Wait Bruce! Im sorry!" I catch up to him.

"It's fine Vance, it's just a little frustrating when you lie." He sighs.

I turn him around and grab his hand, "I'm sorry, like I'm really fucking sorry." Fuck do I hate saying that.

"Vance, you say sorry a lot. But you need growth." That sentence stings, it stings because it brings me back to reality. Your not reaching anything. At all.

"I'll try i swear :)" I smile. He smiles back and hugs me, i hug back uncomfortably.

"I love you Vance." Bruce's says.

"I- lo- erm, thank you." I respond hesitantly. He grabs my hand and starts to walk. Ouch my wrist still hurts, it really burns.

"Ow fuck." Bruce looks over.

"What's wrong, let me see." "No!" He jumps. "And why is that Vance?" I look away.

"Um, no reason. Let's go." He stops and grabs my wrist. He then lifts up my jacket sleeve. "What the fuck Yamada?" He sees my burn mark and his expression goes in complete sadness.

"Vance." I don't dare to look at him again. He grabs my face, I feel tears fill my eyes when I see his face. "I'm sorry." I say.

"Vance let's just go home okay?" I nod.

He holds my hand while we walk to his house, we enter his house and to my surprise no one's home. We rush up the stairs.

He sets his book bag down and sits on his bed,  I sit next to him. He grabs my hand, and then he sighs, "Vance, harming yourself isn't okay. Nor is smoking, that's self-harm." "But-" he gives me a stern look.

"Please, I'm begging you. Talk to me, don't let your voices flood your head." I nod.

"And lastly, go to that therapist." I pause, wait what the fuck?

"Uh no? Wha-" "Vance, listen. Not all therapists are dicks who just tell you to suck it up. Some help. Like mines, Im not always happy go lucky." He says stern.

Oh, wait fuck no. Shit he's messing with my head.

"But Bruce I can't, I really can't."

"Then try, you can do it Vance!" He smiles. I give a weak smile. I just can't.

"I do try, but it's hard. It's so fucking hard." Did I say that out loud?

"Vance, im right here. And I love you, I'll always be here." I can feel my heart flutter.

"O-okay." I smile.

I yawn, I'm actually pretty tired and my head hurts like hell.

"You tired pretty boy?" Bruce asks. I blush and nod. "Alright." He lays down and gestures me to come over. I crawl over and melt into him. Like the whole world stopped.

Like I'm on the fucking clouds, this must be the Bruce affect. Because he's so fucking mesmerizing. I start to doze off in his arms.

"Bruce where are you! Please!" I yell out. Where is he! I need him! I see a glowing figure, what the fuck is that! I get closer to see it's Bruce, when he sees me the thunder stops. The clouds turn white, I run towards him.

Then I wake up, I tried to jump up but I'm being cuddled by Bruce. I smile, I actually didn't have a nightmare.

And it's because of him.

slay slayyyyyyy