Wherever The Mind May Roam

11 ~ Im Not Fucking Gay! (Except He Is)

Dean relaxes with his elbows on his knees as Charlie strides out from behind the curtain, posing in a little yellow dress. Dean shakes his head. She flips her hair over her shoulder, then replaces her hand on her hip. "What's wrong with it?" She asks, smiling.

"The yellow... it doesn't look right with your hair."

Charlie checks the mirror and messes with her hair a little. "The red and yellow don't match too well, do they? Oh well. There was another really cool one in here." She disappears behind the curtain, yet still speaks to Dean. "So.... have you found anyone special yet?"

Dean's eyes shoot from the ground to the curtain. His mouth falls open slightly and he takes a deep breath. His palms begin to sweat, so he sits up and wipes them on his jeans. "Uh.. no."

"You sound very convincing," Charlie laughs, pulling the curtain aside to reveal a long evergreen dress that nearly reaches the ground. It holds her body tight with a cut over the left leg. She turns one way then the other, showing off every side of it. "Think the green works better?"

Dean nods. "Yeah, better than yellow. She'll love that one. Let's go buy it."

Dean begins to stand but Charlie stops him, taking a seat beside him on the bench. "I want to hear about the Special One you're hiding."

Dean's mouth runs dry and he licks his lips. His face turns hot and he can't tear his eyes away from the ground. "No one."

"Come on, Dean. What's her name?"

Dean shakes his head. "I'm... I'm not sure if I really..."

"If you actually love her?"

The name is on the tip of his tongue, but his throat is closed up too tight for him to say it. Dean only shakes his head again. Every thought from his mind disappears as Charlie urges him on to say it, that it's understandable when people don't know if they love someone or not, and it's okay to not understand your own feelings.

"It's not like that," Dean mumbles. "Can we go?"

"We'll leave once you tell me about it. If you don't want me to, I won't tell anyone, I won't mention it ever again, I swear. C'mon, Dean, I'm your best friend. You can tell me anything! Right?" She nudges his arm lightly, smiling.

Even at the thought of the name, Dean finds himself smiling. He swallows, finally bringing his eyes to meet hers. "Cas." Every bad thing he worries about disintegrates and he feels the giant weight on his shoulders being lifted. The relief of only saying his name in the context does wonders to Dean, and as Charlie's smile grows, his does too.

"I knew it!" She exclaims.

Dean hunches his shoulders and looks around, hoping there isn't anyone hiding in the clothing racks, listening to him. When it feels safe, he says, "No, you didn't."

"Oh, of course I did. So you said you don't know if you love him?"

Dean clenches his jaw. "Quit talking so loudly," he nearly whispers.

"Sorry," she whispers back. "So tell me about him. How you feel with him."

"What am I, a high school girl? No."

"Dean. No one's judging you."

Dean slowly moves his head, inhaling through his nose. "I thought he was like a brother to me, but then I thought about it and... brother's don't make people feel things."

"What kind of things?"

"Things!" Dean says louder. "Happy... things. Good things."

"Okay, so, you love him."

"He's a man!"

"Now, I understand why you like women," she smiles and shrugs a little, "but you can like men, too. You know that, right?"

"What?"

"Yeah," Charlie nods. "Always possible. You're bisexual, Dean. Along with many other people. You're not alone. But... Back to Cas. How long do you think-"

"I don't know."