Jigsaw

7. Kiki

I have never liked hospitals.

Even if it was the place I'd been frequenting for one third of my life, I still couldn't get accustomed to the sadness, pain and the heavy smell of antiseptic it carried. I swung my legs back and forth on the stretcher I was currently sitting on, willing the time to go faster so I could finally leave.

I was supposed to see my doctor to collect my regular doses and find out if I'd made any improvements.

Though that had never been the case.

My phone vibrated in my purse and I jumped slightly before digging my hand inside to retrieve it. The sides of my mouth tilted up ever so slightly as I saw who had texted.

Seyi|Hey stupid. You still alive?

What a funny thing to ask. I felt myself hesitate as I read and re-read the message. I hadn't talked to Seyi for a while and it suddenly felt.... strange? I wasn't sure what I felt when I stuffed the phone back into the purse.

Just then my doctor came in with a smile. He was holding my medical chart in one hand and a pen in the other.

"How's my favorite patient doing. Heart's still beating, yes?"

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't, Dr John"

I smiled, not taking the silly joke to heart. Dr John smiled back as he scribbled something down on the chart.

"I'm giving you a new prescription for the chest pain. This one works pretty instantly. Take it for a while and come back next week for another check up"

A frown formed on my forehead. "That early? Why?"

"Because I said so" Dr John smiled.

"Fine"

I pouted as I collected the paper he'd torn out of the chart from him. I quickly gathered my things and was about to dash out the door when Dr John stopped me.

"Kiki"

I turned to look at him and stilled when I saw the expression on his face. I knew where this was going and I didn't like it. Not one bit.

"We're expecting a donor soon"

He started and I looked away clenching and unclenching my fists.

"Would you like to---"

"I don't want to get my hopes up"

I shot. I was clenching my fists so hard my nails were digging into my palms. There was a second of uncomfortable silence before I turned away.

"Bye"

"Yes...bye"

I glanced at him to see him already staring sadly after me. I ignored him. I couldn't bear to look back again as I marched away. I didn't want to see the pity in his eyes.

I didn't want anyone's pity. This was my choice.

I quickly rounded the corner and hurried towards the pharmacy. I couldn't spend another second in this place. I'd made up my mind to wait for the day my heart stopped on it's own without causing anymore trouble for my family. I wasn't looking for a donor anymore.

It's my choice.

I reminded myself firmly.

I gave the doctor's illegible scribblings to the pharmacist and he gave me the drugs in return. My nose scrunched up in disgust as I looked at them. I literally gagged as I put them in my purse. I knew I had to take them if I wanted to survive the night. I despised pills with everything I had but my parents couldn't afford the intravenous shots.

I was about to leave when a swarm of paramedics came rushing in with a woman on a stretcher. They were escorted by three children who gripped onto the stretcher like their lives depended on it.

One looked to be around my age but the others were younger. I felt my heart clench as I stared at their sad faces as they passed by. I stood there seconds after they had gone, staring at the empty lobby. I seemed to feel the sadness emanating from the surroundings as I said a quick prayer for them and rushed into the rain.

~~~~~

I regretted not taking an umbrella with me as I pushed the door to the room I shared with my step sister, Debby open, dripping wet. I observed that Debby wasn't in and felt a surge of relief. Debby wasn't a bad person, but she was definitely a lot to handle sometimes.

I quickly ripped off my wet shirt and went into the bathroom to tear the rest of my clothes off and take a quick shower.

Minutes later I was lying comfortably on my bed, my eyes stuck on the book in my hands. I was so distracted that I didn't hear my father come in.

"Kiki, I didn't know you were back"

The book flew out of my hands as I jumped, startled for the second time today.

"Jesus, Daddy. Why didn't you knock?"

I whined.

"I did"

My father said simply and I kept quiet, staring at him. I watched as he pulled out the only chair in the room and sat down. I took this as a que to sit too, crawling to the edge of my bed and plopping down.

My father barely ever came to our room and I couldn't think of a lot of reasons except one.

"Dr John called today"

My mood immediately depleted and I was suddenly interested in the loose thread on my sheets as I avoided my father's strong gaze. How could I tell him I didn't want the heart without getting him angry?

"Daddy--"

I started but he cut me off.

"I'm going to see the donor when they arrive. And you're coming with me"

"But daddy, I don't want to meet the donor"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I-I don't want you to spend anymore money"

I finally looked up to find his eyes, continuing when he didn't reply.

"What if it doesn't work out just like the last ones? It's taking a toll on you and Mommy even if you don't admit it and I don't want that. Debby has a future, Daddy. One that I won't be able to have"

"But Kik--"

"I don't want this either"

I was so close to crying now. Something I hadn't done since I first found out my life span had been shortened.

"But I've made a choice. Please just let it be"

I climbed down from my bed and went to hug my father. He didn't hug me back and I felt the tears sting my eyes. We stayed like that for a while before I finally let go and smiled at him. He didn't smile back.

"We're still going to try. It's my job as a father. I won't let you die, even if it means giving you my heart"

He was out of the room before I could say anything else. I sank down to the floor and buried my face in my hands. I let out a long deep breath and grabbed my phone.

|Hi, Seyi. Are you free to meet up tomorrow?|

The reply came seconds later.

A//N
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