Paid & Laid ✔

Angry Past

Beomgyu's P.O.V

I'm not sure how I managed to pull away.

Pull away from the result of my lack of resistance, lack of sense since I've felt for the first time in my entire life, that I've lost control of the dominance, and the limited desire.

And it's all because of her...

Because she crossed paths with me, and then became my choice, became the first woman to actually make me lose my control. However, I had to pull away, if I didn't we'd be making out for the entire school day, not to mention that we've already been making out for a whole half and hour.

I don't think she had the guts to pull away, but it was still very hard, hard not to crash my lips back onto hers.

But when I look into Ryujin's eyes, I see that a part of her is glad, had she not been losing as much control as I had been?

I thought there'd be something, lust, confusion, fear, I don't know, anything. However, she's blunt, blank and like a white piece of paper that I want to write on but can't seem to know where to start when the paper isn't already written about me.

Wanting me.

And it bothers the very depths of my pride.

My brows moderately furrow at how she remains the same as before, like this was nothing. I've always been able to walk away first, turn away first, not feel a thing at all, but now I'm feeling everything I thought I'd never feel, I hate it, and I resent it. And if she could make it all worser then how my pride's been crushed, she just did. She gently pushes me away and lets a breath go before reaching for the door knob to exit the janitor's closet.

Although, I stop her by holding her wrist in my hand, she turns rather slowly and I must up the courage to look her in the eye, which I usually don't need to do. "Here's my number, lets set up a time to meet up, just to talk about things" I wink at her but I'm received with nothing other than the tilt of her head and the raise of her brow as she turns back around and finally exits.

I'm not sure if she agreed or not, I don't think so, maybe she didn't. Why am I overthinking? It was just one kiss, like the million other kisses I've had over the many years. It's nothing special, definitely not special.

'I should stop lying to myself' I think before I can stop the thought.

The airs clearer, my breathing's slower than a second ago, but my lip is aching, remembering, and imagining.

If we weren't at school, would we have gone further?

I'm suddenly mad at myself, for multiple reasons...

1- for being at school when we could've been anywhere else!

2- That she's doing things to me.

And 3- I'm still reminiscing her very present.

Also, I'm still against the wall of the janitor's closet, trying to calm myself down because I think I'm blushing.

I think...I never said I was.

Goodness who am I even talking to!

Sighing...

I continue with the battle in my head.