"No Neil, you're supposed to put the flower in-" He gasps as the flower goes everywhere. "Oh my god." He laughs. His laugh was so contagious I start laughing too. "Todd Anderson, you are a dork." He laughs and sits on the floor. Sighing. "It's weird, don't you think... next year... it's all going to be over. No more nights like this. No more dead poets. No more cave." His eyes are glassy. "So I have made it my duty to make these next two years count." I couldn't believe what he was saying. Todd Anderson wants to step out of his comfort zone. No, not step. Leap. "Carpe Diem right? After what happened I am not taking those words for granted." I smile brightly. "I'm talking parties, sneaking out, smoking drugs." I just about lost it. "Todd honey you don't smoke drugs." He laughs. "Okay well, maybe not that. But like I want to live!" He sits up quickly. "Fuck Neil, I need to live! I need to feel alive!" What was going on... something happened to him when I was gone. Socially anxious Todd Anderson was talking about going to parties. He also swore. He doesn't usually swear. Something happened. Something made something in his mind just snap. "Please Neil... I really need this..." I nod. "Okay... just... okay..." I didn't know what to say, I was so worried about him.
He is pacing back and forth in our dorm it is now three in the morning. "Todd what is wrong." He sighs and sits on the bed. "Nothing is wrong I just want to live." I nod. "Okay." He kisses me but there's something different from this kiss. It's filled with a different emotion. A type of longing. He hugs me. "My parents found out... about us... your father told my father and he called me. And now he's just trying to just..."
"Control everything you do?" He nods. I sigh. I knew the feeling. "So I want to be able to live while I still can. And I want to go to a party."
"Okay... as long as I'm invited."
"It wouldn't be a party without Neil Perry." I smile. He starts falling asleep. He lays down in my bed and snuggles close to me.
