Bringing Back Summer (The Summer I Turned Pretty)

SIX

There's a gravitational pull between us. A magnetic force that binds us together. Even when I was with Jeremiah, that line hadn't severed. A little tattered, maybe, but not broken completely. I don't think anything can ever truly destroy it. No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard he tries, to cut it down...it'll always bounce back up like an unbreakable bubble.

He's hurt me too many times. Over and over again I gave him chances. I forgave his bitter behavior. That is until I couldn't stand it anymore. Until I couldn't keep waiting for the real Conrad to return.

Now he looks at me with those bloodshot, yet desperate eyes filled with years of guilt, yearn and hope. My heart squeezes at the excruciating expression. It pains me to see such emotions arise from him. Yet...I can't. The mistrust I have is too much to be shattered by my feelings for him.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. The little hope in his eyes dies.

And it kills me.

Like a true coward, like a weak duckling, I flee, turning and running up the stairs back into my room, my safe refuge.

There, sprawled across my bed, tears finally leak out of my eyes, heavy sobs escaping my throat. I feel a merge of regret and relief piercing my chest. I know I will never be able to forget Conrad, to ever lose these overpowering feelings. But perhaps one day, the rope between us will loosen.

My mother wakes up and comes into my room when I don't go down for another hour. It's midday now and I've been hiding under my blanket, terrified that I'd run into Conrad if I go downstairs.

"Belly, are you sick?" Her voice is worried as she lays a hand on my forehead. "If the party last night...Belly what is it?" She knows I'm not sick. But she knows there's something wrong.

"Mom, honestly, it's nothing." I mumble, not at all convincing. "Just leave me alone."

She doesn't hesitate as she says, "Is it Conrad?"

I flinch. My mother has always called me an open book. Everything I think, I feel, is visible on my face. Whether I'm happy or sad, it's always there to see.

"Mom," I sit up, so quickly that my head spins. "What do I do?"

She takes a seat on the end of my bed, thinking deeply. "You know, Susannah was always good at these kinds of talks." She's not wrong. Susannah could give hours worth of boy advice. She loved to. "What holds you back from him?"

I pause, suddenly unsure of the question. What actually does hold me back from him? The mistrust? But that's really just me, not him. It's my lack of faith in him, the wariness that I shouldn't even have.

"It's just before when we-"

"Belly, don't talk about the past." My mother chides gently. "The past is done. All you need to think about is the present and the future."

I don't say anything, mainly because it's true.

"Mom," I start and pause, pondering. "Why didn't you and dad work?"

She shrugs, smiling faintly. "I don't know. I guess we weren't meant to be." She touches my face, caressing my cheek. "But for you, Conrad is the sun and when the sun comes out, nothing else matters." Then she stands up, brushing her pants. "Do what your heart tells you, Belly."

I sit there, slightly dazed as she leaves, shutting the door softly behind her.

Conrad is the sun and when the sun comes out, nothing else matters.

Is Conrad my sun?

When I go downstairs an hour later, everyone is sitting at the breakfast bar, eating lunch. Except for Conrad who's nowhere to be seen. I sigh with relief, though my heart sinks. A small part of me hoped I would see him.

I sit next to Jeremiah, stealing a strip of bacon from his plate. He arches an eyebrow.

"Look who decided to finally wake up."

I stick out my tongue at him. "I woke up before you, idiot."

"Sure."

I roll my eyes. Something of our old friendship has returned. It's almost like we were never together, like we weren't engaged just three years ago.

"Oh Belly, Nicole asked me to give you this." Shayla passes me a white envelope across the counter.

"You know Nicole?" Dubiously, I rip open the sleeve and pull out an elaborate, cream coloured card edged with a white lace. It's a wedding invitation. Cameron and Nicole formally request your presence at their wedding. And at the bottom of the card is the invite for the party celebrating their engagement.

"Sure, I met her last night at the bonfire and she came over half an hour ago to drop this off. She says you guys know each other."

Jeremiah snorts. "Oh they know each other." He's remembering the feud between Nicole and me almost seven years ago. He looks over my shoulder. "So when's the wedding?"

"Two months." I sigh. "The engagement party is next month, though."

"Are you going?"

"Probably not."

"I don't wonder why." He smirks. "Ex-enemy is marrying your ex-boyfriend. Not very pleasant, is it?"

I ignore this comment and shove the card back into the envelope. Maybe I will go. I've never been to a wedding, except for my dad's last year which hardly counts. I wonder why Nicole even bothered to invite me. Perhaps it was Cam's doing. He rarely holds grudges, least of all for seven years, I don't think.

"You should go, Belly." My mother says from the sink, scrubbing a plate. "It'll be nice to mend things with them, Cam especially." My mother wasn't particularly fond of Cam, but she didn't exactly hate him either.

"Is this about Cam Cameron and Nicole's wedding?" Conrad strides into the room, sitting on the seat next to Shayla and looking at me smoothly like nothing happened this morning, like nothing happened at all in the last three years. I stare at his eyes suspiciously. They're still bloodshot, but the raw pain I saw only hours ago has vanished.

"Um.." I'm at a loss for words and so is everyone else, except for my mother who remains calm and unperturbed.

"Have you been invited too, Conrad?" She asks, wiping her wet hands on the towel hanging from the oven handle.

"Yeah." He reaches over and grabs the last bacon from Jeremiah's plate. "I'm not sure if I'm going yet, though. It might be weird going alone." Conrad's eyes move back to meet mine. He holds his gaze steadily like he doesn't plan to look away until I do.

Is he asking me to go with him?

My heart begins to race at an abnormal speed.

'Can't I own my life without you screwing it up?'

Oh, the words I want to take back so badly now. The hard, cruel words I spat into his face this morning that would surely have made anyone feel hatred instead of love. Realization hits me slow and hard. It was never Conrad who screwed up my life. Never. In other words, he made it better. He's the one who always truly loved me.

It was really only me. I screwed everything up. I made the tear in our rope. I hurt Conrad more than anyone ever did.

The problem in everything that happened...was...is me. 

Chapter Theme Song: The Happiest Girl by Blackpink 

So sorry for the late post! I was so busy for the past few weeks, so I didn't have the time to write much. Please leave a vote and comment!