Bringing Back Summer (The Summer I Turned Pretty)

SEVEN

The infinity necklace no longer feels light. It doesn't hold the pleasant, small, significant, memories of Conrad or anyone. Instead, the ornament is heavy and dark. The rust that borders it triggers the guilt that courses through my veins. As I stare into the floor length mirror against my wall, the necklace decorating my throat is unsettling and out of place. It's a disorientating sight. With trembling hands, I tug on the chain hard and it instantly snaps, the infinity sliding off its position and clattering onto the floor.

I'd thought ripping off the jewelry would automatically rid my feelings for him. My guilt. But nothing has changed. The sinking feeling of my heart is the same as ever and the weight on my shoulders has not lifted.

I glare at my reflection.

What a way to fix things, Belly. I berate myself. I've always been a bit of a selfish snob, though I was too proud to admit it. It's on several occasions where my selfishness shows. Now is one of those times. With shaking hands, I gingerly lift the broken chain and the infinity. Conrad probably spent hours of his time, saving up for this before college. Tears drown my eyes. It's pathetic. What right do I have to cry about this? Aren't I the one who ruined everything like always?

Bitterly, I toss the broken necklace into my drawer. I could get a new chain for the charm. The old one is rusted, after all, and he'll never know that I broke it. But it wouldn't be the same.

My mother is always saying that letting go is a vital component in life. I've held onto Conrad for almost all my life. Now, at twenty two, it's time that I let go. Of him. Of everything. The first step is to get rid of the necklace forever. I pull open my drawer and take out the chain and the infinity charm. I bring it over to the bin, ready to toss it in. But I hesitate. Is it right to throw away such a long-time treasured ornament in the trash, like a piece of used tissue? Surely not. I pull back my outstretched hand. If I want to discard the necklace from my life, it would be the place where I trust the most. The place I know best. The place...

The bellowing wind tears through my knotted hair. I shut my eyes, soaking in the salty mist. My feet sink through the sand, slightly hardened from the sprinkling rain. Despite the good weather this morning, the sky has darkened into a dim grey and it is clear that the rain will get heavier at each minute. The waves of the ocean are turning violent as the water thrashes up to my feet.

I have to do it, I think, clasping the chain and the infinity tightly in my fist. I open my eyes and hold my hand over the moving water.

Let go. And I do.

***

"Belly."

I don't hear him at first over the sound of the rain pouring heavily on the cemented sand. My head is bowed into my knees.

"Belly, hey."

I lift my head, squinting through the shower as Steven stares down at me, clearly worried.

"Hey, Steven." My voice comes out quiet and wobbly. "What are you doing here?"

He sighs, and without hesitating, gingerly sits next to me. "Actually, I'm here to tell you that Conrad's leaving."

"What?" The shock comes as a hard blow. "Why?" Conrad can't be leaving the beach house. He just got here. It's where he feels most at home. It's where his best memories with Susannah live. Isn't it?

"Belly, honestly, why do you think?" Though he doesn't say this in a rude way, he doesn't exactly say it nicely either, which I guess I can't really blame him for.

"Steven, I..." I have no clue on what to say. Do I apologize like I'm sorry I'm rejecting Conrad over and over for no actual, good reason?

"Belly, I'm asking you, begging you right now. Talk to Conrad. Talk him into staying. Please, Bells." His eyes are molding into mine pleadingly. I look away, shifting uncomfortably. For a while, only the sound of the bucketing rain covers the silence,

Then quietly, but selfishly, I mumble, "Can't someone else?"

He sighs, irritably. "You think none of us have tried? You think he would listen to us? Belly, the only person he'll ever listen to, he'll ever consider staying for, is you. Stop being a coward and stop him."

His words hit hard. Stop being a coward and stop him.

Although it's only Steven next to me, speaking such things, it feels as if he's voicing it for someone else. Someone else such as my mother. Or Jeremiah. Or both.

I shove my dripping bangs out of my eyes. "Did mom send you?"

"No." He answers quickly, unconvincingly.

"Did Jere, then?"

He hesitates. "Belly, this...this isn't about mom or Jere. It's about Conrad. It's about you." When I don't reply, he continues awkwardly. "I'm not really the type to say things like this, but, Belly. I'm your brother. I want what's best for you. But I also want what's best for Conrad too. And Conrad needs to be here at the beach house." Then he leaps up, patting my head unexpectedly. I blink through the rain up at him.

"Steve-"

"Please, Belly." And with that, he turns and trudges back up the sandy hill up to the path, leading to the house. My forehead meets my knees as I curl into a ball, unsure and confused as ever.

The past is done. All you need to think about is the present and the future.

Of all the people I've known, my mother is the wisest and the most righteous. Without her, we still wouldn't be together. Without her, the beach house wouldn't be ours. Ever since my canceled wedding with Jeremiah, my instincts have been to follow my mother's steps. Do what my mother would do. But most importantly, what Susannah would want.

Stop Conrad. Bring him back, would be my mother's words. I breathe in a short, strangled breath. As I jump up, ready to sprint back to the house, realization hits me like a wave. Letting go of the necklace was the best move to make. Not because things won't ever work out between Conrad and me, but because this ends a story. Our first story. From the moment we met up till this day.

Now we start a new story. 

Chapter Theme Song: Talking to the moon by Bruno Mars

So sorry for this crap chapter. I'll write better in the next.