Step of Faith

Chapter XXVI: What we deserve

Chapter XXVI: What we deserve

I sit on the couch wrapped in my throw blanket, a cup of jasmine tea in my hands. I hear Levi and West boiling soup in the kitchen, JJ's wrapping Dean's knuckles by the living room window and Theo is pacing in front of me.

My throat ached like someone had shoved a branding iron down it. And every limb in my body felt as if it was made of solid stone. Everything felt so heavy. But everything he had said was ringing in my head like a church bell.

Picture show I left for you.

How long had that psycho been lurking around in the shadows of my everyday life? Why was Ashley working with him and why was her hatred toward me so deep? To go to such lengths was beyond my comprehension. I hadn't even noticed them being the epicenter of all of this.

I promise you'll like it.

What would've happened if the guys hadn't come on time? What would I have done if I didn't text them out of sheer curiosity? Each question was with a worse ending than the next. What if's and maybe's filled my head but none of it mattered.

JJ guessed that Jefferson took off after Dean was pulled off of him. No one knew where he was or what he would do next. And I didn't know what I should do. It was all so fucked up.

"We should tell someone, the coach, the police," Theo was thinking the same thing but he's been spiraling ever since we arrived.

"Theo," my voice sounds foreign like it's not me speaking. Like it's coming from a different room.

"Maybe we should call Claire, you'd feel more comfortable with a girl, we're probably making you fucking uncomfortable right now," his eyes are glossy, Dean is now looking over at him in concern but when his eyes connect with mine he averts them.

"Theo," I clear my throat.

"Or maybe you want to be alone for a while-"

"Theo, stop," I say louder and his eyes finally connect with mine for the first time since we came back home. I couldn't read what he was feeling, "The last thing I want or need right now is to be alone. So please just-"

Theo took the hint and came to sit next to me on the couch. I sat closer to him, he wrapped his arms tightly around me. Fresh tears spring to my eyes and the burn behind my eyelids makes every second of Jefferson's attack flash through my head again.

The way his eyes gleamed with pride when he saw me scared. He looked like a hungry animal who'd seen something injured he could sink his teeth into. The look behind his eyes was like my worst nightmare coming to life.

I wasn't physically violated but I felt like that. It felt like he had scorched a reminder into my skin so I would never forget this. It all felt like a neverending shitshow that I was reliving in my head every time I blinked.

I don't know how the guys will ever look at me the same. They probably see me differently now. Maybe they can't look at me anymore at all. Maybe that's why Theo was avoiding my eyes all the time. Or why Dean averted his gaze almost immediately.

This is why I don't get close to people. The slightest bit of tragedy makes them view you as incapable or broken. They want to help you with the pain, making you feel useless in the process. I'm going to be a useless pile of nothing for them now.

I don't know when I started sobbing but Theo's grip became tighter and in that second I realized that I was crying very loudly not even caring that all of the guys are there.

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay, Blair," he kissed the top of my head.

"Please don't make me feel useless, p-please," the pleas from my lips made him stiffen but the tension in his muscles was gone as fast as it came. His soft caresses on my back resumed.