Step of Faith

Chapter X: Apologies

Chapter X: Apologies

Theo's POV

"Fucking shit," I sat at the table with my head in my hands.

"How did all of us simultaneously not pick up a goddamn phone is my question," West sat slouched in his seat.

I felt so fucking bad. Not only did I let her down but I was a shit friend and wasn't there for her when she needed me.

I promised her that I would show up. I knew how much it meant to her and it meant as much to me that she invited me.

I was so convinced that her competition is tomorrow that I didn't even double-check. But she had every right to be mad at me. She had every fucking right after how I treated her.

Was it the first time I've let someone down like this? No. Did I feel the same guilt? Yes.

But I didn't want to make Blair feel like this. I wanted to be there, I wanted to see her skate. I tried apologizing but when I opened her door she was asleep.

I took a freezing cold shower and stood there staring at a wall for a solid 20 minutes. And when the image of Blair's disappointed gaze floated into mind I punched the wall. White guy move, I know.

But I was so mad at myself. I had never felt this guilty in my fucking life. I didn't even feel this bad when I missed my little sister's recital.

I clearly had an issue with showing up. And Blair was important to me so I probably should've told her. It isn't an excuse but maybe that would lessen the disappointment that was etched onto her beautiful face.

I wanted to punch myself when I saw the frown on her face. It was like a repeating thing with me. I was convinced that I was the only person who constantly hurt her.

Maybe if I wasn't in her life it would be better. Maybe she wouldn't hurt this much.

The next morning was even worse.

I stood in the kitchen with a coffee in my hands and the tea I made her standing on the table. The guys had already left. It was just me and her.

Blair came into the kitchen and tensed. Her eyes went to the tea and then to me.

"Blair, I'm so-" but before I could finish my sentence she walked out of the house, not sparing me another glance.

I tried again when I saw her walking toward me on campus. I needed to apologize but she stalked past me.

And again when I saw her in a coffee shop near campus during her break. She acted like I was a wall. I wanted to apologize but she ignored me.

I didn't blame her for ignoring me but it hurt when I found out that she had forgiven all of the guys except me.

"Yeah, she forgave us when we met her at the coffee shop, I might've fallen to my knees and begged her," West was tying his skates.

"Don't worry, she'll come around. Just give her time," JJ brushed past me.

I wanted to give her time, I sincerely did but I couldn't live with myself if I can't apologize. And I can't even approach her without her walking away. She didn't want to talk to me.

I was going to have to force her to talk because there was nothing else I could come up with.

My eyes kept trailing back to her during practice. But I couldn't figure her out. She was laughing and coaching the other guys but every time her eyes met mine it was like I was a punching bag and she wanted to beat the shit out of me.