Major O'Brien (A MASH 4077 fiction)

Bug-Out: Part 1 (5:1)

          Catherine sat on a supply crate outside of her tent with her army pants rolled up at the ankles. The weather had warmed up enough for her to paint her toenails. Sitting in a chair next to her crate was Lieutenant Kellye Yamato, a nurse Catherine had quickly come to call "friend" after working alongside her so much during the recent influx of patients after the Chinese had joined in the war. Catherine had also grown close to Major Houlihan, but more as close coworkers, than friends. The older woman's prickly personality and no-nonsense attitude made it hard to get close to her. Catherine quickly touched her toes to make sure they were dry, then pulled on her socks and once-white, now-dirty Jack Purcells. Kellye looked at Catherine, then rolled her eyes,
          "Such a waste; what was the name of that color again?" Catherine shook out her auburn curls, no longer in braids except for surgery and while on-duty.
          "Dark'n Handsome; I think I'm gonna pick up Vintage and High Ruby when I go on R&R next time," Catherine replied. She had a love of Cutex's dark red nail polish colors, even if not many people saw them. She put on her wide-brimmed straw hat with the black band with the Major cluster on the front and tilted it back enough so she could see.
          "Where you headed?" Kellye asked her.
          "I was thinking about breakfast. I wanna see if the coca-colas Charles sent me make it taste any better," Catherine said, before she ducked into her tent to grab one of the glass bottles. It was a miracle they had gotten to camp from Tokyo unscathed.
          "I'm due in Post-Op soon, see ya later?" Kellye asked as Catherine nodded, waved, and then walked off to the Mess Tent. She was met by Hawkeye and B.J at the door.
          "Major O'Brien, how are you on this lovely day?" Hawkeye asked her.
          "You missed the digging of the new latrine," B.J added. Catherine snapped her fingers in disappointment,
          "Rats. I was too busy painting my toenails," she said, knowing Hawkeye would take the bait. When she saw the look in his eyes, she knew she'd hooked him.
           "You mean the Major's bare, naked feet were out and I wasn't invited?" He asked, almost drooling. Catherine looked at B.J and grinned,
          "Ankles, too," it was too easy to tease the man whose mind only seemed to be on either sex or surgery. B.J shook his head, almost seeming disappointed in his friend for falling for the tease, as the three officers entered the Mess Tent together. Majors Frank Burns and Margaret Houlihan were sitting at the table closest to the door, finishing up their breakfast.
          "We know something you don't know," Frank spouted as if he couldn't contain himself.
          "Major Houlihan is a brunette?" Hawkeye asked. Catherine gasped,
          "You can't say that!" she whispered, smacking Hawkeye's arm.
         "Garbage head," Margaret replied to Hawkeye. Catherine rolled her eyes,
         "Oye, you people and your name-calling."
          "May I join the conversation?" B.J asked from Catherine's other side.
          "Keep it short," Frank spat.
          "Hi," B.J replied, grinning.
          "That is short," Catherine commented, smiling. The two seated Majors seemed finished with the trio's antics.
         "Guess what's happening," Frank said.
         "Santa Claus is coming to town," Hawkeye replied.
          "He is not!" Frank snapped.
          "Awe, and I already baked him cookies," Catherine commented.
          "And we spent all that money on tinsel," B.J added.
          "We're bugging out. Retreating," Margaret finally told them. The trio looked at one another.
          "A battalion of North Koreans is headed this way," Frank also said.
          "Frank, is this something you've been dreaming about or has the Major been talking in her sleep?" B.J asked.
          "Another garbage head," Margaret snapped at him. Catherine covered her face with her right hand, groaning in frustration.
          "Major, when are we supposed to bug out?" Catherine asked her superior. They may have been the same rank, but Catherine respected Margaret's position as head-nurse.
          "Any minute. It's top secret," Major Burns butted in, "we don't want the enlisted personnel to know we're retreating."
          "Why? Aren't they invited?" Hawkeye quipped. The wo, seated Majors pursed their lips in annoyance. Catherine finally had enough and walked to grab a tray and decided on two pieces of toast and some sausage. The rest of the food being served looked unappetizing. Following some other people from camp, Catherine walked down the line and sat at a table. She was soon joined by Hawkeye and B.J, who both had cups of coffee with their breakfast.
          "No coffee today?" B.J asked her as they all started eating. Catherine shook her head and put her coca-cola bottle on the table,
          "My friend from Tokyo sent me a case of liquid gold. I wanted to see if they made the breakfast taste better," she replied. As she was about to open the glass bottle, the intercom screeched,
          "Attention, all personnel, incoming wounded! It's showtime!" Catherine heard helicopters overhead and the squeal of the ambulance breaks. She sighed heavily and ran to get dressed in her white scrubs before helping in pre-op. While working on giving patients I.V's and medicine to help them stabilize before surgery, Catherine noticed what could be a concerning issue with a patient.
          "Klinger!" She called the man. Today, he was dressed in a dark teal skirt suit with a matching hat.
          "Yes, Major?"
          "This guy needs x-rays next. He can't move his legs," she told the man and he nodded, before calling for a corpsman to help. Catherine helped prep a few more patients before Frank came in to look over patients and give directions to the nurses before surgery. Hawkeye and Colonel Potter came next, the elder dressed in his white scrubs already. B.J was helping Kellye with a patient, also.
           "Alice! Alice!"
          "Let me go! Let me go!" Catherine turned to see the Major being forcibly hugged to the chest of a wounded soldier. She giggled and tapped Colonel Potter so he could also see the chaos. Hawkeye was already helping pry Frank from the patient's hands,
          "Oh, give him a break, Alice. You're the first woman he's seen in months," Hawkeye said to Frank.
          "B.J," Colonel Potter called to the surgeon.
          "Yeah, Colonel?" B.J asked.
          "Take this hip," the Colonel told him.
          "Right," B.J replied. Klinger brought the x-ray of the patient back to Catherine and she let out a puff of air when she saw what was keeping the soldier from feeling his legs.
          "Colonel, take a look at this," Catherine said to the older surgeon. The Colonel put the x-ray up on the lightboard.
          "Hell's bells. Pierce?" The commanding officer called to the younger surgeon.
          "Yo," Hawkeye answered, walking over to Catherine, Klinger, and the Colonel, "what is it, Colonel?"
          "Shot in the back," Colonel Potter said.
          "He can't move his legs," Catherine added.
          "Spinal cord injury. Can we get a neurosurgeon from the 8063rd?" Hawkeye asked. Potter shook his head,
          "No chance."
          "He needs a laminectomy," Hawkeye informed the group. Catherine hadn't ever seen one done before. Charles' specialty was cardiothoracics.
          "You've just changed specialties," Colonel Potter said. Hawkeye looked at him in disbelief,
          "You always give me the cuties," he replied.
          "Well, I sure as hell ain't gonna give this one to Alice," the Colonel commented, making Catherine giggle. Hawkeye looked at her, feeling something deep in his gut; maybe it was that breakfast.
          "Looks like shrapnel in the spinal canal," Catherine said, pointing to the x-ray. The two surgeons were impressed.
          "If I go in there, we won't be able to move that kid for twenty-four hours. Those bone fragments coule lacerate the cord," Hawkeye said.
          "So?" Colonel Potter asked.
          "There were talks of a bug-out," Catherine said to the commanding officer.
          "Chinese paratroopers and tanks coming," Klinger chimed in, "four divisions."
          "Crock of beans!" The Colonel exclaimed, "I'm gonna scotch this once and for all. I'll call General Hamilton at I-Corpse."
          "Oh, he's a big shot," Klinger commented. Colonel Potter turned to look at him,
          "He owes me. I sent him a case of Preparation H."
          "Anything for the rear echelon," Hawkeye said to Klinger, making Catherine's cheeks burn in embarrassment. The three turned back to the x-ray.
          "If you do this, Major Houlihan should assist," Catherine told the surgeon. Hawkeye turned to look at the nurse.
          "Why? You're a Major, too."
           "I am, but I'm a younger, more in-experienced nurse compared to Major Houlihan. I've never seen a case like this before. She's got more experience. Trust me, you'll want her with you on this case," she replied. Hawkeye nodded and Catherine went to help B.J with his hip case. The surgery sessions didn't last nearly as long as they had a week-or-so prior. By lunch time, Catherine was done in the O.R and finally drinking her coca-cola; it definitely helped the cold-cut lunch that the cook was serving taste better.
          Radar's terrible bugling caught the Major's attention as she was walking back to her tent. She ran to the rest of the company and fell in line towards the back. She looked for Hawkeye and B.J, but she didn't see them. They must have started the laminectomy with Major Houlihan. Colonel Potter, Major Burns, and Radar stood, facing the company.
          "Company! Ten–Hut!" Radar called out.
          "At ease!" Colonel Potter said after him. Catherine relaxed her shoulders and listened.
          "You people..." the Colonel started talking before the office phone ringing cut him off. Catherine watched Radar run to get it. She wondered if this meeting was about the bug-out, "...You people have been panicking over a rumor which says that the 4077th is bugging out. That is grade-A, 100 percent bull cookies! You service people should know by now that scuttlebutt is as common as cooties in your skivvies!" Catherine's cheeks burned red again, "My apologies to those among us of the feminine gland and to our resident celibate, Father Mulcahy." Catherine looked to her right to see the Father nod a 'thank-you'. Klinger was to his right and wearing a bright, red dress with tiny, white, polka-dots and a straw bonnet decorated in fake, pink flowers. "Now, you take World War II. My unit got the word that Nazis, dressed as Eskimos, had overrun Seattle. Incredible as it seems, half my unit believed it and began hoarding canned salmon." Catherine put a hand on her face at the nonsense. "Now then, I have spoken to General Hamilton at Headquarters. I've known Bink Hamilton for going-on thirty years. I am the godfather of his grandson, Sherman Potter Hamilton. Fifteen years-old and can name twenty-four of the forty-eight states. Already has an appointment to West Point. The General has assured me that there is nothing to worry about." Radar nudged Catherine slightly as he made his way back to Colonel Potter with a note from the phone call. "MASH 4077 is definitely..." Colonel Potter glanced at the note, "...bugging out in three hours!" His face grimaced and Catherine's jaw dropped. Hawkeye had already started on that patient's back surgery.
           "Bug out!" Everyone scattered and Cat ran to the O.R, throwing a mask over her face as she entered the room.
          "Hawkeye! It's true. We're bugging out in three hours. We just got the call," Cat told them.
          "Oh my God, we can't stop now," Major Houlihan said.
          "If the worst can happen, it will. Pierce's theory of medicine," Hawkeye told them. Catherine walked up behind Margaret and next to B.J, who was acting as the anesthesiologist.
          "Major, everyone's supposed to start packing for the bug-out. Do you want me to work on packing in here so it's organized?" Cat asked Margaret.
          "Yes, Major, thank-you," Margaret replied as Cat immediately started to load boxes carefully with medical instruments, gauze, and other items they had been storing in the O.R for during surgery.
          "Too bad this kid didn't come with a zipper. Clamp," Catherine overheard Hawkeye say. Soon, other personnel began bustling through the O.R, taking boxes and equipment to load it onto the trucks, which were now parked in the compound. They were also moving the recovering patients onto the ambulance buses to transport them as well. Catherine moved to watch the spinal surgery, working on breaking down the anesthesiology machines.
         "More suction," Hawkeye said.
         "Yeah, right, right," Margaret replied to the surgeon.
           "Oozing?" B.J asked the two as they worked.
          "Yeah, quite a bit. Margaret, retract that some more and get the field dry, will ya?" Hawkeye snapped. He was frustrated about the entire situation: the bug-out and the complexity of the spinal surgery.
          "Blood-pressure's ninety over sixty," B.J informed him.
          "When it gets to 100, you should sell," Catherine joked, trying to lighten the mood. Margaret looked at the younger nurse, almost agitated at her presence.
          "Major, has the lab or x-ray been packed up yet?" She asked.
          "I'm not sure, Major. I wanted to make sure the O.R was packed n an organized manner," Catherine started,
          "And to distract Captain Pierce, I'm sure. Major, when I'm busy, you are in charge of the nurses. You're my second-in-command; now, get busy!" the older Major barked at her, just before an explosion was heard. The two surgeons and two nurses jumped from the sound. More orderlies came through the O.R, picking up the curtains and hospital beds on their way.
          "Can't they wait?" Houlihan asked no one in particular, "What are you still standing there for? Move it, Major!" Cat sprinted out of the O.R to check on the other nurses and to help pack up the rest of the MASH, unaware of Hawkeye and B.J sticking up for her hard work and the fact that she had said she'd never seen this surgery done before. Cat knew that personal effects would be last to go on the trucks. As she ran through a doorway on the way to the lab, a louder explosion happened; much closer than the previous one. Cat fell against the doorway, bruising her arm in the process. Why does the war have to be so loud? As the explosions began happening more frequently, the camp began to slowly disappear into the trucks. The other nurses, including Kellye, had no problem taking orders from Cat, who hated giving them. It was thirty minutes until the trucks were due to leave and Cat was folding her clothes and putting them into her trunk. The record player and records were tucked between layers of clothes to keep them from being broken in the shuffle of the bug-out. There was a knock on her door.
          "Come in," Cat said and Major Houlihan walked in.
          "I wanted to let you know that I plan to stay here with Captain Pierce and his patient. I want you to go with the other nurses and help Captain Hunnicutt set up the new hospital," the head-nurse said.
          "Are you sure, Major? I thought you'd want to go with everyone else," Cat replied. Margaret smiled,
          "The patient is more important. I know you agree with me on that. Plus, I don't trust anyone else with this detail."
          "You got it, Major," Catherine said.
          "Oh and Major? Please, call me Margaret. We are the same rank."
          "Then you can call me Catherine," the two women smiled at one another.
          Later, Catherine walked to the Swamp to see if she could get B.J to help her load her trunk onto one of the trucks. She didn't quite have the upper-body strength and no one else had time to help. She heard arguing from inside the tent as she headed towards the door,
          "...It's not military equipment!" Frank's voice called.
          "It's all military equipment. The heating coil is from an ammo truck, the funnel is from the generator shed, and the filter's made from shredded skivvies," B.J's voice replied.
          "Hopefully, they're clean," Cat chimed through the screen as she knocked before B.J waved her into the tent.
          "Alkie. You'd tear up our underwear for a drink," Frank ignored Cat's comment and presence, attempting to insult the Captain. B.J's face scrunched up in annoyance.
          "I would not. They're yours," he told his bunky. Cat laughed.
          "As a unit, that still is non-military and will not be transported by a government vehicle," Frank continued. Cat just stood-by, watching the exchange silently.
          "Oh, yeah? Well, what about your junk, Frank?" B.J went to the Major's foot locker and opened it, "Let's see what you're taking."
          "Now, hands off!" Frank protested, just as B.J pulled a black, lacy bra from on top of Frank's things. Cat gasped and her cheeks burned red.
          "Frank!" B.J chastised him. The Major's cheeks tinted pink and he looked at Cat, then back to B.J.
          "It's a gift," Frank jerked the bra out of B.J's hands and wadded it up, hiding the clothing behind his back, "for a fellow officer."
          "It's not Colonel Potter's size," B.J remarked.
          "You know who it's for, snip,"
          "It's definitely not for me," both men looked at Cat, "what? Black isn't my color," Cat chimed in, giggling. B.J picked up what looked like a sheathed sword, next.
          "Military? A hari-kari dagger?" B.J asked Frank.
          "Well, it's brand-new. Never been used," Frank explained.
            "Do us a favor, Frank, break it in," B.J replied, handing it back to him before going to Cat. "You rang?" He asked her.
          "I needed some help with my foot locker. Also, you and I are heading up the set-up of the new hospital," she told him.
          "Lucky us. I'll go get your foot locker while you do one last walk-through, make sure we didn't miss anything. And if Frank happens to get left..."
          "Just leave him?" Cat joked as B.J smiled.
          "You've definitely gotten used to it here," he said.
As Cat entered the O.R building, Colonel Potter was exiting. Hawkeye was sitting in a chair next to his patient's bed, looking very tired. His hair was disheveled and his jaw was sprouting a five o'clock shadow. When he saw Cat standing by the foot of the bed, he sat up straight and smiled at her.
        "I heard you're sending B.J to safety," she said. Hawkeye nodded.
          "I heard Margaret say she was gonna make you be in charge of the nurses."
   "That's right. How's he doing?" Cat asked, gesturing to the soldier who laid, still unconscious on his stomach.
        "He's wiggling his toes," Hawkeye replied. Cat's face lit-up and she touched Hawkeye's shoulder in support.
           "Oh, Hawk, that's great! I knew you could do it!" She cheered softly, while squeezing his shoulder. Hawkeye grabbed her hand and held it to his cheek. His seriousness made Cat stop dancing.
          "Be careful, okay?" He asked her, looking up, into her eyes.
          "You be careful, too," Cat replied, giving his hand a light squeeze, "when I see you again, you'll have to take me to Rosie's for an Orange Nehi."
          "Not grape?" Hawkeye asked, not letting her hand go.
       "No. I hate Grape Nehi. Don't tell Radar," Cat replied,  chuckling. Major Houlihan came into the room, causing Cat to pull her hand away from Hawkeye's.
        ".  They're leaving. You better go," Margaret said to her. Cat nodded.
          "Bye, Hawkeye. Goodbye, Major. Be safe," Cat said and ran out of the building, Hawkeye's eyes following her.