Claimed by the Primals

Chapter Sixteen (R)

I did tell him. Not all that night. It was too much to tell all at once. I couldn't even tell him in the span of six days that it took us to sail up to the Canadian town we were heading towards. It was hard, and sometimes I could barely get the words out and just cried. But it was—dare I say it—therapeutic to tell someone.

I think Warrick needed to hear it, too. Not just so he could plan how painful Godric and Eckhart's deaths would be. But also, so he could understand what, in his mind, he put me through. He needed to see the healing gouges in my wrists from the chains and hear how they were never taken off once in the time I was with them. He needed to see my protruding ribs and sunken cheeks and hear that they had denied me food when I "misbehaved".

Kade didn't. For one, Kade was well aware of the tactics that Eckhart used. They were common enough in his country. For another, Kade is far more in tune with his emotions and those of the people around him than Warrick. He didn't need to hear or see any of what they did to me. He needed to make sure that I knew that I was safe and being cared for.

I needed them both. Which was where things got difficult. They couldn't be in the same room as each other for long without it getting awkward. We fell into a pattern of alternating between them. There were times where I was left alone—not really alone, a member of the crew was with me, even if it was just to keep me company—so they could talk. Sometimes it was less talking and more shouting. Then they'd both disappear to separate parts of the ship for a while to cool off.

Nights were the absolute worst, though. I'd slept great the first night, mostly out of pure exhaustion. But every night after were filled with nightmares. Sometimes I relived what Eckhart did to me. Sometimes I was thrown back into a moment of childhood. Either way, I usually woke up crying and hysterical.

Those memories were... How do I put this? It did feel like I was looking back on someone else's life. When I told them I was a different person before the accident, I meant it. I wasn't always the black sheep or rebellious outcast of the family. Godric really did give me the same opportunities as Lana. He taught me the same as her. Sure, I was physically smaller, a little more hesitant, and had a filter-less mouth compared to my sister... but I did what I was told. I followed Godric's lessons and was ready and excited to add to his empire. There were times where I was better than Lana, despite our age differences.

What scares me the most was that I remember being happy when my claiming rights were sold. I hadn't met Eckhart, but I'd heard his name thrown around long before the deal, just like Prince's was just before Lana was sold to his set. I had this image of building my harem with Eckhart, Matthias, and Anthony as my core three, and then taking over the east coast while Lana managed the West, and our father expanded beyond. I hadn't run away because I didn't want to be claimed by him, I ran because I was being a selfish brat who thought for a single moment that I was more important than my family.

I could barely get the words out to explain that to Warrick and Kade. For a while, neither knew what to think. That was the worst day for me. Both of them needed a bit of time to consider my story, leaving me alone for a time to pace and fret and panic. Eventually, they came back with determined justifications.

Kade believes that I did what I had to do to survive. He thinks that, even though being female is still useful to him, Godric would have killed me eventually if I'd always been so disobedient. Warrick let it go because I was following the expectations of my family. What else could I do? I didn't know any better and was all I knew.

They were both right in their own ways and wrong in others.

The person I am now wouldn't have ever done those things. I would have cried and begged Godric not to make me do it, and then cried and begged for my parents not to be mad at me. But I also wouldn't be this person if I hadn't made those choices.