What she left Behind | ONGOING

CHAPTER 02

───── Derek  ─────

She's gone.

I remember the moment I received the phone call; I was with my friends who were telling me how amazing my bachelor's party was going to be. I was laughing and joking around. For a moment, I began thinking about Savannah and how lucky I was to have met someone as wonderful as her.

At that moment, I debated whether or not I should send her a text to ask how she was doing with the whole dress-hunting thing. But I knew she was probably with Chloe and didn't want to disturb their fun. I regret not sending her a text message or even giving her a call. It seems so weird how perhaps one decision could've changed the course of her destiny. Maybe if things had been chosen differently, perhaps what happened wouldn't have happened.

But, I do understand that things can't be undone and I will forever have to live with the doubt of what could've happened if I just. . . If maybe. . . Honestly, now it hurts too much to think about it.

I got a phone call, and for one moment I forgot how to breathe. Everyone around stopped talking when they saw my expression.

In my mind, at that precise moment, all I saw was Savannah's face: her smile, her sparkling eyes, her beautiful dark hair, soft to the touch. The moments I would stroke her hair every time she fell asleep next to me, that's what came to mind when the voice on the other side of the line was explaining the situation to me.

"Derek, man, are you alright?" I heard someone say. To me, the whole room became blurred, and the voices muffled, so I couldn't quite know who was asking me if I was okay.

I was certainly not okay. The whole place was spinning and didn't find the strength to move until a couple of minutes later when I had to put my mind blanch and rush to the hospital. I grabbed my things, ignored everyone's questions, and left as soon as possible.

From what they've told me, Savannah didn't even make it to the hospital. Her car just flipped and didn't stop. There was nothing they could do. . .

Nothing they could do. . . That phrase kept resonating in my head over and over again when I returned home that day. I blamed everyone for what happened, for not being able to save my fiancé. For not being able to keep the love of my life alive.

At the funeral, I couldn't stay around anyone. It was already hard enough when I first arrived, and people were all trying to hug me and give me their condolences. I didn't want to seem like an asshole, but I couldn't help it. I had to get out of there as soon as possible.

"I have to go," I say to Savannah's mother. For a moment she seemed confused, but then her expression changed to an understanding one.

Everything was going great. I finally found someone who has made me feel things I've never once imagined ever feeling. She was a light to this world and now she's gone; I want to deny that it happened, but I can't, it's the cruel reality.

A few days have gone by since the funeral, and during this time I've thought about ways to keep moving forward. I couldn't find any type of closure that could somehow make me deal with all of this and it is frustrating. Everywhere I go, I think about her. I'm not saying that's a bad thing because I truly loved her. But right now, it's still all too fresh and the bare thought of her just makes my heart ache.

Mostly, for these past few days, I've been feeling. . . Angry. Yes, that seems about right.

People assume that I would be weeping and moping around, but I've been dealing with anger and confusion mostly. Does that make me a bad person? I mean, I've shed a few tears about this whole situation, obviously, but I am so furious that something like this happened to someone as precious as Savannah. I guess I am angry because I find it so unfair that sometimes, bad things happen to good people. Yet, people who don't deserve any good in this world, end up having good things coming to them. I will never understand that.