When Will The World Stop Spinning?

Adult Or Teen?

"Oh my god I could just like, get pregnant right now"

"Yea but that turns into debt and a couple more unwanted children down the line"

"You speaking from experience?"

Apple listened to her decent group of friends blabber on about nonsense. She was listening but not registering. No matter how hard she focused on the sounds from their lips, by the time the sound waves traveled past her ears and into her head, all the words jumbled around one another. 

Apple never felt so out of place before. Usually, even with all the home horrors she had, she felt happy and enjoyed conversations with her friends. It was like she was a loner, sitting by herself wanting to sit down and talk to the group, but knew she never could. It was like Apple wasn't there and she was watching herself nod her head to seem engaged. 

Apple was wearing a mask, and even that mask was sad and frowning. She'd never felt so out of place before like she didn't belong within the group. Like she didn't belong in the school. Like she was an outsider.

"Guys I'm gonna go to the bathroom"

Apple interrupted her friend's argument about whether or not their having children in the further, or now. Most of her friends just nodded, not taking a double take. But Laura knew her best friend better, they were a close duo within the group, as there were many others. 

"You all good girly? I'll come with you" Just as Laura was packing up her stuff ready to go with Apple, Apple quickly shook her head.

"Laura it's fine, I'm good. Honestly, I wanna go by myself I really need to take a fat shit"

Everyone laughed at that, including Laura as she shook her head while muttering "Didn't need those details". Apple smiled with a small wave and speed walked out of the cafeteria.

That one interaction to try and pretend to be herself felt exhausting. She felt so gone that a single line that sounded like herself was enough to want her to drop dead in a coma. For the past year, she acted "normal" and she was fine, in fact, she enjoyed and thrived off of it. But now being so far away from her body she felt like an imposter to not only her friend group but herself. She didn't know how to act anymore.

Apple ran out of the school needing a breather, away from her old self, which was only two days old. She just wanted to go home and cry. Crawl into a hole and not come out. As much as she loved Andre more than anything, she wished she didn't have to take care of him. She wished he was a brother and not her child. But she'd already made an oath to herself to never take her unasked-for role away from herself. Apple had to except she was no longer a child, or teenager, no matter how hard she tried. She didn't get to join the conversation about whether or not she wanted to be a teen mum cause she already was one. She wasn't a teenager, so why was she acting as if she was? 

Apple became so lost in her thoughts she realized she made it to a small picnic area. It was surrounded by trees with picnic tables randomly plotted around the clearing. There was virtually no one around other than two middle-aged women eating mc-Donalds. So Apple went to the edges - where the trees were - and sat in the middle of the small forestry. The greens surrendered her and through small gaps, she could still easily see the world. She sat in bushes, where there were bugs and possibilities of spiders, but quite frankly she didn't care. Plus that's such a "childish" worry, worrying about bugs, as an adult she had bigger concerns.

Apple began thinking about life, sitting in the middle of nature. Particularly thinking about her future. Apple couldn't continue on the way she had all year. She barely had any money from her after-school job  (working at a small antique store) nor her father's part of the funding which he barely paid enough. Whilst her mother - if she could even call her that anymore - was out of the picture. Apple decided then and there that she had to drop out of school and get a full-time job. She needed to become a proper mother-like figure to Andre. She couldn't hold onto her teenage hood, no matter how many friends or parties she went to. Her life was already going to be a shambles, but if she gave up her life to give it to Andre then it'd be worth it, cause at least she could give him the life she always wanted.