Savior [Completed]

Savior: [Seventeen] [II/II]

Nick found me staring blankly at the passenger door, uncertain as to how to proceed.

I don't know what words were exchanged between us, exactly, as he coaxed me into getting into the car and sitting down – I was too far gone to respond in any way other than mechanically – but eventually, I was back there, with my mind and body in one place.

I was sitting inside Nick's car in the passenger seat, with Nick by my side, watching me with a very concerned gaze.

"Max? What's wrong?"

I opened my mouth began to respond without even knowing what I wanted to say – and it was just this realization that had me stop before I got a single word out. What was wrong? All that had happened was that Dylan had said that he liked me...and that was it.

Nick repeated his question.

I shook my head slowly. "I'm not sure."

My own voice sounded foreign to me, so I don't doubt that Nick picked up something from there that only served to deepen the creases on his forehead.

"Okay," he had his keep-very-calm voice on, "can you tell me what happened?"

I took a few moments to compose myself – I don't know why I felt so edgy and panicked – and then took a deep breath. "It's actually...you're going to think I've completely lost it," I warned him, but he signaled to me to continue, so I did. "I just asked Dylan why he'd been avoiding me, and, uh, well the thing is..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. It just sounded so wrong! Even though he'd confirmed it, so it hadn't been a vivid figment of my imagination, I just felt like I was being arrogant by even saying it. Like, really? How could I even claim that someone liked me?

"The thing is?" Nick was gentle.

"I...I don't know how to say this."

He waited.

"Like, I hope...I mean, it sounds very weird coming from me, but...like, that's what happened, alright?"

"Just tell me what happened."

"He said that he'd been avoiding me on purpose – I mean, of course it's on purpose if he agreed he'd been avoiding me, because, you know, that's the only way it would happen...avoiding someone, I mean. It can't just happen passively, right? I mean, that's exactly what I'm saying, that it wasn't passive and he really was-" I don't know what had taken over – probably the reason I was on antidepressants in the first place – but I didn't stop rambling until Nick grabbed my hand and interrupted me with a firm yet kind 'Max!'

I stared. "What?"

"You're freaking out," he told me, "and I need you to breathe for a little bit."

I thought of denying it, if only because I didn't want to cause my friend any unnecessary distress, but the look on his face told me he wasn't having any of it. So instead I inhaled deeply, visibly.

"Okay, good. Now breathe out slowly."

I complied.

He led me through this guided breathing, if that's what it could be called, for a few more breaths, and once it looked like my thoughts had settled, he asked me to tell him just what had happened, the reason Dylan had been avoiding me.

"He...he said it was because he was trying to get over me." I felt my face grow warm.

Warmer when Nick asked me to clarify whether that meant what one would naturally assume.

"Yeah," I swallowed, "I even didn't believe it, but he said it again. Like, he actually said that word, the c-word, and that that was what had been bothering him. I know it doesn't sound right, but it's actually for real! It's just crazy, isn't it? Like, why would he even...and that too, in someone like me? But I promise you Nick, that's really what happen-"