Savior [Completed]

Savior: [Thirteen]

Thirteen – Max

The main highlight of today is the dance, obviously, and now that I’ve progressed to actually writing (I didn’t think I would – thinking out things is so much easier, but far less permanent, which is what’s driven the transition), I’m going to have to pen down some other things so that the whole experience is recorded.

So let’s do that first.

I decided to ask Mum to help me out, mainly because Maya and I were talking the other day (which is another something to note, but I doubt I’d forget: it feels so good to be talking to her like normal on a regular basis again!) and the summary of it all is, she agreed to be my date to the dance. She didn’t ask about Dylan – though she does know about him and had that look in her eyes – and I was grateful to her for not bringing him up. I don’t want to complicate things with him, see…and that’s besides the point. The point is, because Maya was to be my date, it’d be really stupid and un-cool to ask her to help me get ready. I didn’t think I’d do much, in terms of being the best-ever date, so the least I could do is not make her help me with dressing up. That kind of eliminated Ryan for me too, so that left Mum. (Sorry Mum, it’s not that I don’t love you).

It’s just as well that I did, too, even though it was uber awkward to be all, “Mum, there’s this dance coming but I’m not sure what suit to wear. Help, please.” Just as well because not only did she think more than the others would have, we spent time together, and that means something to me, you know? She got me to try on all the ones I have (I make it sound like there’s so many, but there are only three), and then declared that they were all ill-fitting because apparently I’ve lost too much weight. I know I have some, but not to the degree she implied when she said it. We decided to rent something, but oh, since we’re on the topic, sort of, Mum was actually quite upset about me. She said she hadn’t realized the extent of it because I keep wearing baggy clothing and was wondering if there’s any need to consult a doctor, and of course I told her not to worry, but it just sucks, you know? To see her getting worried about me again.

I also told her everyone had loved her pizza when I took it to school the next day – this coming up because we were on the topic of eating food to gain weight – and then she asked about what happened to the plan I’d had of inviting everyone.  I told her about how Nick had other plans with Lani, and then I hadn’t felt very comfortable asking just Ryan and Rodney, because – and this is silly – it didn’t feel right without Nick. I don’t know how to explain it, but…it’s just that Nick felt bad about not being able to come, clearly, and he’s the original pizza-lover, so his absence in others’ presence would be plain wrong. And I know, I know, I don’t need to suffocate him by being around him all the time and should do other stuff and whatnot, but I just couldn’t get the others in when he was out.

I’m really wandering off point though, I realize, so back to the dance. I ended up getting my hair cut, too, by the way. Mum convinced me by pointing out that I needed to cut it anyway, which is true, but I still felt conscious at the dance because it looked like I was doing this for the dance. It’s weird. That nervousness of either becoming a new, shallow person or appearing to be as such  is really bothering me, though I suppose that since I know what’s going on, it doesn’t matter what others think. It’s a process getting there though.

As for the actual dance, it was great! For most part, anyway. At first, I was feeling extremely weird and the dance floor wasn’t even packed (so it was easier to get noticed which really shouldn’t be my concern but it was), so I took to talking with Nick instead. It was fun, hanging out like that, but I was also conscious of the fact that I was keeping him from Lani. They are the couple after all, and after a while, I sent them off together. Lani smiled at me, so I know I did the right thing.