Photograph (Elizabeth Olsen Fanfic)

Chapter 40

Shannon's P.O.V.
It's 5am in the morning and I'm wide awake. I had a nightmare again. Its just the same thing over and over again and I'm just tired of it. I haven't spoke to Joan yet cause we had a change of plans yesterday with the meet and greet so I'm hoping I could talk to her today before we go to the studio later for Fallon.

Elizabeth is still asleep, I'm surprised she didn't wake up when I shot out of bed maybe because she was too exhausted from last night, practically slept on me on the way home. So I'm here on the couch writing on my journal again watching her sleep. I couldn't go back to sleep even if I'm so tired. I'm just scared it'll happen again and I'm really sick of it.

I really feel bad though, because I haven't been like all out to Elizabeth these past couple of days. I know I said I'd tell her everything and that's easier said than done. I realize, I can't tell her everything especially my worst thoughts. I'm not so sure why but I just want her to be happy and not be too stuck up with my own issues. Its sucks though because I still have to put on a brave face and act like nothing happened even in front of her when the truth is all of this my dreams, issues and all of that stuff is eating me alive. There's too much going on right now and I just don't want to add myself up to it.

I'd figure I needed some time to think and to breathe maybe I should take a long walk. I haven't done those for a long time and I'm craving for it now so I write a note, no a letter for Elizabeth to read when she wakes up seeing that in maybe two she might probably wake up and I might not be home by then.

Good morning darling,
By the time you read this, I'm probably at the beach sweating after taking a long walk in the city. Don't worry I'd be back home to you later. I just need time to think baby. I know I haven't been around recently and I know you know that and I'm really sorry. I just want to thank you for being patient with me and with all of this. I really appreciate that a lot. You're the one who keeps me going. I love you so much, I really do and I don't think I have felt this way with anyone before. It's so overwhelming but in a good way. So smile my love, I promise I'll bring home some treats for you. I love you. -Shan bee

I carefully ripped the page from my journal and fold it before quietly making my way to her bedside table leaving the note on it. I sighed as I bent down to her level taking a glimpse of her peaceful state. I can't imagine not being with this woman for the rest of my life. I really haven't felt like this with anyone before not even with Cammie and Cari. I just hope this thing we have is permanent because I wouldn't know what to do without her anymore.

I placed a soft kiss on top of her head before I make my way to the closet changing into some running shorts and a sports bra and an oversize shirt on top of it and some running shoes. I then grab my phone, my AirPods, my analog camera and the spare key Elizabeth gave me for the apartment stuffing it all in my body bag before heading out of the apartment.

I put on my AirPods and my sunglasses as soon as I got out of our building and started walking. At this time of the day, I can already see floating cameras near our building. They just won't rest, I ignored them and just walk pass them. I'm really not in the mood to even give a shit about them.

This is good though, just like old times. Whenever I come here in New York and visit my sister I would have these long walks and it takes my mind off things. Casey is in Texas right now with my mom so I really can't go to her place right now.