Consumed By The Ocean💙

Prolouge

I learned in the very beginning, that life sucks if you let it do so. From being the unwanted grandchild of my grandparents to having to deal with a broken soul as a mother to not not having any idea of the man involved in my making.......everything was just perfectly painful.

But that's not how I wanted my life to be. I didn't want God's sympathy with me. I wanted his help and to get his help, one has to first help himself or the prayers go unanswered.

My mom was the only daughter of my grandparents. My billionaire grandparents, if I may add. She was the only heiress of the world famous Reynolds and Co. but then why we were on this native island of our ancestors, running a small resort for tourists on the beach? I didn't know.

For years I thought that my grandfather must have taken my mother's right away from her due to my birth. So one day when I was 12 and sick of asking my mother where the hell was the man who donated his sperm to her and why she never contacts grandparents........I decided to take things in my hands for the sake of my mother's well being, the only person I had in this whole world.

I contacted my grandparents with all my might and to my surprise........they were kind of emotional and happy to hear from me. When, after all the formalities, I asked them about why they had left me and my mother to live alone, they told me that they didn't do it on choice. In fact they wanted my mother to come back and take her work in her own hands.

I loved Mom, I still do. She was a beautiful and kind Goddess........but with some kind of pain in her eyes. And that pain in her eyes was something that always stopped me from behaving like a brat with her like all the others of my age did with their parents.

But that day obviously I was pissed. So I asked her about what my grandparents told me. I asked her that why if her parents love her so much, she is still not willing to return to them! I aked so many 'whys' including 'Why I don't know who my father is?' and of course she had answer to none..........Or maybe she had answers but she could not tell them to me. Who knows?

My mom was strong but still sensitive, I knew that. But that day she had the severest panic attack that I had ever imagined. I was not able to console her, no body was. I thought it was panic attack but not until we reached hospital and the doctors examined her that I got to know that it was an heart attack. 

I was terrified. Those hours that I spent outside her ward were the most dangerous ones. I decided then and there only that whatever the reasons are, I won't question her again. Our life was better with the two of us and I didn't want to ruin anything, neither for me nor for my mother.

Days after her discharge, a helicopter landed on our island and for the first time I met my grandparents. I fell in love with the very first hug that we shared. My grandparents didn't push my mother much, all they wanted was to stay in contact with their daughter and to cherish the only granddaughter they had.

And that's how I started visiting New York for my vacations. 

I had decided to not to ask questions to my mom but that could not stop me from asking questions from Grandpa and Grandma. 

They told me everything that I asked. The resort that we ran at at island was actually a project of Grandpa's company for which mom was appointed as the head supervisor. It was decided that till the time the project was not completed, my mom would stay on that Island only, in that town near the shore.

But for some reason, mom didn't return even after that. And that was the time she had me. So the reason was very clear. Mom didn't return because that place has something to do with my father. 

It was then that the pain in my mom's eyes made sense to me. It was the pain of love. And the only thing that could soothe that pain was that place. 

After that I tried so hard to convince my mom for leaving that place, sometimes just for a small break and sometimes for forever but even the thought of leaving that place made her feel restless. She would hide her restlessness behind n number of excuses but I was excellent in reading behaviour.

I didn't knew my father. Never saw him, never heard of him, never even got to know his name. All I knew was that I had his ocean-blue eyes. I once asked my mom if he died before my birth but she just took Christ's name denied, warning me to never say such thing again until I wishe dto get grounded for a month.

It seemed to me that she loved that stupid excuse of a man so much that I began to hate him with all my heart. Then there were some days I would think how wonderful he must have been if my mom still loved him. But mostly I hated him.

I hated him as much as I hated the blue mass of water near which I lived.

Soon, I was an adult and wanted to pursue my higher education in a good university so my Mom, without any hesitation or questioning sent me to live in New York. 

There I lived with my Grandparents, got into college, graduated with good grades and started working as an interior designer for none other than my Grandfather's company.

Perhaps what they say is right- New York gives your life the hype it always needed. And it did. New York gave me a career, friends to party my ass with, few popular and hot boyfriends with whom I never got laid but enjoyed and of course an opportunity to be recognized world wide.

But I can leave all this behind, of course temporarily for a vacation, on one call from my mom and that's what I did that summer. Flew back home, back to my beautiful Mom and my childhood friends.........and back to that dreadful ocean.

I used to think that I was a severe case of thalassophobia to think that the waves of sea have the potential to ruin my whole life or something will drag me down so deep that the ocean will consume my existence.

But I was wrong. It was not thalassophobia. It was my fate that always protected me from my doom. But fate turned a traitor to me and yes............it did drag me to the depths of ocean.