The Emperor's Head

28. Parting

Bolin watched Gan float towards them. Her black robes fluttered around her almost playfully, but her face remained stern.

Should I have made the choice Jun's father did?

For most of his life, Bolin had trusted Teacher Oyun and believed in his mission. The soul-wrenching doubt he had fought since he arrived with Jun paralyzed him more than any enemy could. Oyun was his father, teacher, and master; Bolin had never hesitated to extend the Hand of Fate. Finding the missing piece of his soul had changed that, and Bolin did not know who to be if he was not Oyun's Hand.

Will I be enough?

He glanced at Di, who also stared at her teacher. Gan had molded Di into something new, but Bolin felt the friction between the two.

She is not behaving the way Oyun predicted. Jun has that effect on people. Those who love him can not split their loyalty easily.

As if the thought drew Jun to him, he felt his lover's presence next to his arm. Though their bond remained strong, Bolin had attempted to step back from it. Oyun's warnings had fallen on deaf ears until he pointed out Jun's dependence on Bolin's strength to hide his core. That was when Bolin stopped attending Oyun's training with Jun, and it had worked to strengthen Jun's defenses. But it had also pushed a small wedge between them, a doubt more based on fear than distrust.

It took me too long to realize your feelings. I know my loyalty is only to you, but you suspect me still.

"I am ready to mount," Jun informed Bolin, his voice tight with anticipation of the journey. Bolin grabbed Tianchi's reins and steadied him long enough for Jun to leap onto his back. The orange robes he had begun wearing only days ago draped effortlessly behind him, pooling against Tianchi's black coat. Bolin loathed to cover them with the dull traveling cloak, but he did not want to advertise their presence in the woods.

Di came over to him after he tossed Jun the robes.

"I do not trust that one," Di started, her eyes directed at Junior Master Yang, who greeted them all respectfully.

"Nor I," Bolin agreed.

"Master Gan told me to hold my tongue," Di added. A sliver of fear inserted itself into his heart.

So this is their plan. I should have run with you, Jun.

"Stay with Jun. Gan will separate us," Bolin whispered as he walked with her back to her mount.

"Why do you let them do this? Jun is in danger," Di accused.

"I will protect him. Teacher Oyun has a plan."

"Your blind trust in Oyun will be your downfall," Di accused as she leaped onto her ride's back and pulled him next to Jun.

Perhaps.

Bolin was not surprised when he spent the following three days as rear guard. No one would doubt the logic of the assignment. He was the strongest of the group outside of the Hand. Di remained at Jun's side during the day, and Jun told him of their conversations at night. All designed to bring his affection for Di to the forefront. Gan expertly played on Bolin's fear, despite him never voicing it.

I am transparent. Who have I become?

In his heart, Bolin knew of Jun's devotion to him, but Di had the older claim. Their love had the purity of childhood, and she was a better person than Bolin, with less blood on her hands. Yet Jun returned to him without hesitation whenever they stopped for camp.

What more do you have to do to reassure me? I am like a child afraid of their favorite toy being stolen.

The dense trees cast long shadows over the open ground where the Hand stopped them on the third night for rest. She allowed Yang to scout ahead while the rest prepared the site. Bolin did not believe it was out of ignorance; Gan had to know Yang met with someone as he explored. Just as Bolin could, she had to feel the presence of others in the forest. Passing bits of life that disappeared as quickly as they came.