Freak Like Me - Katya Zamo

Part Eighteen: Feel At Home

Brian McCook

I'm on my way

It only took him a matter of seconds to text you back, it was really happening and too late to regret it now. You walked back and forth, your mind racing, what would you tell him? What were your reasons to push him away? Were they really that valid?

You'd never felt this level of anxiety in your life. Could anxiety manifest itself on a physical level as well? If so, that would explain the twinge you just experienced in your stomach, forcing you to sit down a bit. It caught you by surprised but you recovered quite quickly. You were okay then?

You brushed it off for the moment, looking around your apartment, trying to make it at least look decent as you barely had the energy to organise it lately. At first glance it looked good enough, besides, it was Brian coming over, not the Royal Family. You almost forgot about the notebook laying on your couch, the one that's full of your poetry. Last night before you went to bed, you took courage to read the things you had written about Brian when you admitted you were in love with him. You laughed at your ingenuity, thinking those days were hard enough. If only you knew what would be coming next...

You took a look at it again but instantly got startled by your doorbell. He was here. You practically threw the notebook on the coffee table and made your way to the door, your heart pounding. You opened the door to reveal a comforting view, Brian stood there while you couldn't take your eyes from his face, you felt home now. You don't know if it was for your nervous state or hormones but as soon as he got inside, you hugged him, holding onto him as if your life depended on it and not longer after that, feeling your tears streaming down your face as you began to sob.

"I'm sorry, Brian" You cried, your voice muffled by his chest as he stroked your hair.

"What happened, honey?" Brian asks worriedly now, clueless as to why you instantly broke down. You don't answer at first, catching your breath.

"Nothing bad. I just missed you, it's been really hard, y'know? And I know I'm the one who got away, but I don't know Brian... I'm a mess. I'm always the one to run away, to struggle and hurt you. And you don't deserve that, you deserve someone who's able to be at your side no matter what. I'm sorry I got you into this mess, I really am" The words almost unconsciously leave your mouth, you're talking from your heart and for that you're grateful. No more of hiding your reasons.

"Hey, listen to me. You didn't get me into this mess, are you kidding? If there's someone to blame it's me. I'm not a scientist, Mary, but I do know that you couldn't get pregnant by yourself" He tries to lighten the mood and you give him a gentle smile, his hands are laying on your cheeks. "Also, I don't need anybody else. You're my person, (Y/N). I want you, but I need you to trust me. Don't hold back, I need you to be honest, to share things with me, tell me when something bothers you. I need you to lose your fear and stay, not run from me when you're out of your comfort zone. Strong relationships are built with time, you can't expect our relationship to be unshakable. Difficulties will always exist, but so will the good times" You nod, never breaking the eye contact. "I love you".

You wrapped your arms around his neck, touching your lips to his, he's surprised at first but melts into you. "I love you too" you murmured against his lips, deepening the kiss. He runs his hands through your hair, you feel Brian's embrace tighten as he brings you closer. Brian trails kisses along your cheek to your ear and whispers,"I missed you so much,
(Y/N)". You shiver at the way he says your name, filled with such emotion. Brian's hands stray from your head to your waist and he cautiously grips you as he leans his forehead against yours. Both of you are breathing heavily. Brian's eyes look deeply into yours and they're filled with longing, but different from the usual fiery, desperate desire between you. The being in each other's presence was good enough for him now, he didn't really expect something else from you.

You on the other hand, needed to stop this making out session now. The thing you wanted the most now was for Brian to fuck you mercilessly but you knew that wouldn't be happening, so you had to get off of him quick. Damn hormones.

"I want a bath, can you keep me company?" You ask, only to have Brian look at you as if you're insane.

"Are you kidding? Of course I can, you know that" He shakes his head in disbelief, making you chuckle.

You two make your way to your bathroom, Brian's filling the bathtub up for you, watching the water flow from the faucet. You strolled over to where he was, hugging him from behind. You felt as if you wanted to make up for the lost time, knowing damn well that this much time apart most likely wouldn't have happened if you'd chosen to face your problems by his side. Brian turns away to face you and you two lock gaze, lost in each other's eyes.

"I missed us" He tucks your hair behind your ear.

"Me too" You smile softly and kiss his cheek, letting go of him as you start to undress, getting rid of your clothes and standing naked in front of Brian for the first time in months. You did feel a little self conscious at first, but the way he looked at you proved you didn't have to be insecure, at all. Brian stared at you as if he was a teenager seeing a naked woman for the first time.

"You- I mean, you look so beautiful" Brian tells you and your face turns beet red.

"You think so, huh?"

"I do. Your boobs, I- they're bigger aren't they? I love them" You laughed as he looked at you with wide eyes.

"Yeah, and sometimes painfully sensitive" You felt great to still be so desired by him as you didn't feel that much attractive with the changes you'd been through lately. "Are you suddenly seventeen again?"

"Oh trust me, I don't think you'd ever want my seventeen old version as your boyfriend"

"Well, I don't know if you ever noticed, but I've got a thing for freaks" He gives you shit eating grin. You'd missed these silly moments so much...

"Y'know what they say, it takes one to know one" You laugh and he gives you a brief kiss on the cheek as the tub was finally filled up enough now and he reached down to turn the handle, stopping the water. You watched him as he reached down to let his fingers skim over the steamy water. Brian pulled his hand back with a shake, turning his gaze back up to you with a smile. He then reached out to you, offering his hand to help you in, and you curled your fingers around his as you stepped in, lowering yourself, your back resting against the porcelain while Brian took a sit on the closed toilet.

"How's the temperature?" He asks.

"Lovely" You answer, deeply relaxed. Baths were beyond soothing for you lately. There's a silence between you two. You open your eyes and tilt your head to the side. "What?"

"Be honest. Why did you push me away, (Y/N)?"