End where it Starts

Chapter 1

REALITY

SIX in the morning when my alarm woke me up. Sunday is never an exemption for my hospital duty. Patients coming inside the emergency room know no sunday. Tuloy-tuloy lang ang ganap sa ospital, at bilang nurse handa akong ibigay ang sunday ko para sa mga pasyenteng nangangailangan ng tulong ko.

The seventeen year old Charlotte would be proud of the statement I just made. That is what an ideal nurse would say in front of people outside our field, because they will never understand. If you look behind the reality of nursing especially here in the Philippines, you would see overworked and yet underpaid nurses. The numerous amounts of patients sa kabila ng kakulangan ng nurses sa Pilipinas, isipin mo na lang paano ginagawa ng isang nurse ang pagsabay sabayin ang mga pasyente.

It's tiring, not our work, but the healthcare system is tiring. Being a nurse is my long time dream, the idea of continuously taking care of my patients and being included in their healing process ignites my heart. Pero ngayon, noong namulat ako sa sistemang kinabibilangan ko, napapaisip nalang talaga 'ko na 'ito ba yung healthcare na pinapangarap ko?' 'parang ang layo naman nito sa nursing na alam ko' the truth hurts, seeing the truth of the thing you believed in and you're passionate about for a long time hurts.

I feel like my burning passion will slowly crumpled up into 'mag t-trabaho kasi kailangan'. I am scared of losing my love for healthcare, for being part of my patient's healing process. This is one of the reason bakit ako nag aaral for NCLEX, I want to leave the Philippines. I want to escape our shitty healthcare system. It robs not only the funds for the people but also my passion.

"Ate" my sister called from outside of my bedroom door.

"Open, bakit? Do you need something" I asked and continued to tie my hair in a bun.

"Wala naman ate, mommy is asking for you downstairs, the breakfast is ready na daw" she said and sat on my bed. She's watching me prepare myself for work. I can't explain if her eyes tell me that she's happy about my decision or she's stopping me from doing so.

"Avery? What's with the look?" I faced her, she smiled at me at simpleng pinunasan ang konting luhang namuo sa mata nya.

"I am so proud of you ate" she said

"Proud of me? Because?"

"Wala, do you remember those days when we're still sleeping together? You always tell me every night that one day I will be able to see you preparing to care for your patients wearing your white uniform. Ate, right now I feel like I am seeing that dream of yours in real life" She smiled and hugged me. Of course I clearly remember, I mean how can I forget those days. Avery is the one who knows how much I dreamed of this job, She is the one who knows how much I've struggled just to get where I am.

"Awww Avery, I love you"

"I love you too, ate Lotte, is your decision final already?" Pinutol ko ang yakap sa pagitan namin ni Avery, alam ko na na dito din ang patutunguhan ang usapang ito, ayoko man, pero kailangan.

"Avery, I have to do this. I hope you understand hmm"

"Yes ate, I understand, I will support your decision. But I will surely miss you"

"I will miss you too Avery, pero hindi pa nga pumapasa si ate sa NCLEX ganyan mo na agad ako ka miss." I said and pinched her nose a little.

"I know you will pass that exam ate. The Charlotte Ivy Diaz I know, will go against all odds to achieve what she dreamed of." We laughed and hugged until we heard mom's voice call us from the dining room.

When we reached the entrance of our small dining, agad sinalubong ng amoy ng fried rice at tuyo ang ilong ko. Mama knows how much I love tuyo and fried rice together for breakfast. Avery sat at the chair in front of me while mama sat beside her. Mama offered to put rice and tuyo on my plate, I agreed. She then proceeded to do the same with Avery. She even poured water on our glasses. If you're going to narrate all these cenario to a 12 year old Charlotte she would have laughed at your face. That version of Charlotte will never even dare to imagine this kind of treatment from her mom, NEVER.