The Stars on the Staircase

A Request from the Headmaster

I got a letter by owl two days before term began telling me I had been hired for a position which I had not interviewed for, nor asked for. I wasn't ready to see his handwriting and open the parchment to find it absent of any acknowledgment of our relationship. It was a bare bones summoning. I imagined it had to be, it was official business and yet, no personal letter arrived to explain. I rushed around purchasing appropriate clothing and leaving not-Tabitha with my neighbour rather than upend her world.

A trunk appeared in my living room with a time that it would be transported written on the label. When it disappeared I began my walk to the school. Neighbours called out to say hello to me. I waved on my way by. The news of my appointment was common knowledge as I hadn't kept it a secret as I rushed around buying new clothes and things. People were generally unsure what this meant. The only other new hires were suspected death eaters. Luckily it was also very common to see me around the village with Filius, and people naturally assumed that was the reason I was hired rather than that I was a secret death eater living amongst them this whole time.

I passed the shop that sold my charmed bracelets for students. I supposed this year it would not matter that I would be too busy to make more, for the gloom over the castle seeped into the town and I was sure this wouldn't be a school year full of fun trinket buying or tea shop visiting.

The new Headmaster's letter had only the dates and times of when to arrive and the instruction to proceed to his office, the password scrawled under it. I didn't know what I was walking into, I hadn't seen him in so very long. Over the last two days I had twisted and turned over that letter. It was devoid of any familiarity you might expect from your best friend and lover even if he was now a notorious murderer. I would have killed for a little P.S. with something, anything that would be a little wink to our sweet little summers, our years of romantic companionship, the fact that to this day he was the only man I had ever slept with. The lack of familiarity made my stomach feel queasy.

Approaching the castle this way was so bizarre, it had been years since I was there. It seemed huge, looming in the distance, so full of memories with him. The gates opened for me as if I were an old friend, lock swinging off for a moment as my hands grasped the handles. The walk to the castle from here was steep and taxing but I liked having the fire in my lungs to think about rather than what on earth was about to happen when I saw Severus. I had played it through in my head so many times, would he assure me he hadn't killed Albus with evil in his heart, then kiss me? Or kiss me then tell me? Did I dare admit to myself that the worst case scenario in my heart was a lack of a kiss? It was embarrassing to me that I had worried more over that than an admission he had changed sides.

As to whether or not he had changed I was semi-confident that he remained a spy in the manner he had described to me. I knew from Filius that the former Headmaster had been cursed by something and his hand was blackened. There had whispers amoung the staff about his health and ability to live with the curse in his body. There was something more happening than McGonagall allowed for in her version of events. I had been surprised the day I saw her that she had no doubts about Snape's motivation to kill Dumbledore. I held my tongue on the matter, had only offered my sympathies and did my best impression of someone who was truly shocked and appalled by Severus' actions.

When at last I was at the top of the stairs to the Headmaster's office I found the door opening for me, I didn't even have the chance to catch my breath. I had been pushing myself to walk here at a speed, I hadn't even realised until this moment, when I was fighting to fill my lungs with air. His black silhouette by the window turned towards me. "Welcome back." He said softly.

I stepped into the room, the connection line between us crackling in a way it hadn't since I was last at Hogwarts. I remembered my days as a student, hopelessly lost in a flood of images of him. Looking at him, I couldn't deny that no matter what he had done, something inside me was his, and I had no choice but to be pulled into his orbit once again. There was a quiet calm when I was close to this man. I found myself unable to panic about the whys of my being summoned here. He didn't run over to hug me. I was suddenly aware that maybe I wasn't supposed to either. We stared at each other silently. I opened my mental gates a little, we hadn't really talked in our heads for so long. Could we still?