Philia | h.s

five

Mabel

I spend 10 min looking for Elaina and I've finally found her in the pillow aisle. I'm trying to gather all the courage I can have to talk to her. She doesn't seem mad anymore but I know the second she sees me, she'll be furious.

To a certain extent, I can understand her but at the same time, I have every right to be sad about the situation and to be disappointed. She was with me during my panic attack and saw how hard it affected me but now it's like she doesn't care at all.

I just need to explain to her my side of the story so she can understand my point of view. I just want her to understand how hard it was for me. But I know I have to apologise to her, I let her think I didn't care about her job when I do. She's my best friend, of course, I'm gonna be happy for her.

I take a deep breath and get closer to her. I've only taken 2 steps when she turns around and sees me. She doesn't move at all and has no expression on her face. She seems annoyed but I don't care. We need to have a talk, whether she wants it or not.

"What do you want Mabel?" she says, rolling her eyes

"To talk" I reply, taking a step toward her so I can stand beside her.

"About what?"

"About today Elaina" I take one more step, blocking her view to force her to look at me

"Can you move please," she says. She doesn't want me to be here with her and I get it. I do. But I don't want to argue with her.

I've always hated conflict, even when I was young. I was always the type of person who was trying to reconcile. What I hated the most, was when I was the cause of a fight or the one fighting someone. I hate getting angry but I also know sometimes it's necessary.

Growing up, this side of me change though. I still hate it but I've learned to step up for myself, not by shouting, I hate when people shout. It's part of the reason why I want to make up with Elaina, we yelled at each other in the car but we shouldn't have.

If something is bothering her, I wish she would tell me and not act so distant, so weird. Perhaps I could help her or just be there for her.

I don't move even though she asked me to. I'm looking at her, trying to decipher her feelings but she doesn't look at me. She looks everywhere but at me.

"I don't want to talk to you right now, Mabel. Is that so hard to understand?" she asks, keeping her voice down

"But why?" I try to resonate with her

"You don't need to know everything" she says, pushing me to the side making me stumble back

"Really El?" I say straightening myself

"Yes"

"It's not about knowing everything. It's about us and communication" I justify myself even though I know I shouldn't.

"Well, right now I don't want to communicate with you and you should respect that" she takes a step back, ready to leave this conversation and me in the process. I grab her arm to stop her from walking further

"Can you please, hear me out at least?" I plead

"I said" she takes a step toward me, "I don't want" another step, "to talk to you". She is now blocking me, I have no way to leave as she's trapping me between the aisle and her. I blink a few times, avoiding her gaze as my eyes begin watering. I have to be strong, and at least I have to look like my best friend's attitude doesn't affect me.

"What happened today, Elaina?" I dare to ask, my voice shaking

She doesn't respond right away, she simply looks at me and I'm pretty sure that if eyes could kill, I would be dead by now.