"show you a body" | original series

un | creator, destroyer

cre·a·tor
/krēˈādər/
noun
noun: creator; plural noun: creators
a person or thing that brings something into existence.
• used as a name for God.

how pitiful i was.
a lump of wet earth material,
and for all anyone was concerned that's how I'd remain.

but she, oh she brought me to life!

she shaped me into something human, something lovely, something beautiful. she gave me the gift of life. the ability to breathe and function like I belonged.

she taught me to walk across the floor of her wooden shop. it smelled of daffodils that day. i remember she held open her arms, beckoning me to move my legs. One foot in front of the other, steady and calm. All these words used to confuse me, so i'd ask her what they meant. She simply laughed and said, "like this, my dear."

i don't recall ever knowing what she called herself, but I know she called me many things. Many sweet things that made me feel happy, but most importantly she called me Amatus. She said it was my name... She told me a name is who I am, and what is me. So, I asked her what my name meant. She said, "Amatus is a Latin name that means beloved." Even now, I remember. Amatus is my name.

She taught me the ways of the world, and the ins and outs of mankind. All the while, she showed me nothing but care and love. It was a blissful existence. Just me and her against the world. A clay doll with joints as delicate as glass and his creator, who would lovingly repair them time and time again. I was happy. She seemed happy, even as I watched her destroy others to keep me safe.

I'm a freak of existence you know? Who ever heard of a doll, completely made of clay, functioning like a real human. Some wanted to destroy me, calling my creator's alchemy "evil". I didn't quite understand, but I suppose my creator did.

I remember she would brush my hair at night, humming a song I didn't know. I remember the feeling of her hands, so kind and gentle. It was as if she was never stained by the blood of others. It didn't bother me though. I suppose in some messed up way, i thought it was sweet. It was strange for me to find such comfort in such a morbid concept, but such is the pondering of a doll.

She was my creator, but also a destroyer. She protected me, and in return I... did nothing.

"Amatus, dear, don't beat yourself up over something so small! You don't have to be brave or strong, you just have to be you. My darling Amatus..."