sober | j.jk

20 ‣ falling

"I told Rafa you're with me. Don't worry." Jungkook lowers the volume midway through a song you're imagining a music video to in your head. It's been a while since you'd left campus grounds; plenty of passing scenery had already been a part of the plot through the tinted glass. You'd figured it'd be a while. You also already knew Jungkook had texted Rafa. The five notifications that vibrated back to back in your pocket were pretty indicative. "Hey," Jungkook says.

"I heard you."

"No." Jungkook shakes his head, glancing over at you a little more than he should considering the speed limit on this road is a little on the higher side. "I wanted to talk." He adds, wishing you'd turn to look at him, too. At least once. "You haven't said a word since we passed the main gate." He's not surprised to see you turn your head now—with narrow, unamused eyes and barely any expression on your pretty face. It's a little scary to him how well he's gotten to know you like this, how pleasantly predictable you've become to him.

"I said all the words I needed to say back at your place and it got me absolutely nowhere." You place your gaze back on the fast-paced scenery. "You don't know how to talk, Jungkook." Ouch. That felt like a deeper jab than you may have meant it. It certainly makes him feel uncomfortable. With many things. Many words. "Why would I waste my time like that?" You ask blankly. The question mark wasn't even audible. The words came out just as flat as you wanted them to.

"Why does it have to be a waste of time?"

"You're asking me?"

"Okay. How about this," Jungkook tries to level more with himself than with you, "a confession for a confession." He proposes. It's a confusing proposal. Actually, more than that, it's a strange one. You know what you want to hear from him, but he hasn't actually said anything close to it. All you have is well-fed assumptions. "I'll go first, but you have to say something, too." Jungkook adds. Your heart starts confusing this car ride for a marathon. "Hm?"

"If you have something to confess, just do it." You grow defensive. Or maybe you've been defensive. You can't help it. As much as you want to, your pride won't let you fall into submission here. He has to surrender first. He has to be vulnerable first. Not you. "I have nothing to 'confess' to you." A lie. "I don't wanna play this dumb game. I'm tired. I'm annoyed. So, just—please stop dancing around whatever it is you want to say with pointless road trips and childish exchanges."

"First of all, this road trip is not pointless," Jungkook argues. You puff out a weak scoff and roll your eyes in the softest way possible. Not because you cared that much if Jungkook saw or got offended, but simply because you don't have the energy. "And second of all, It's not a dumb game. I'm not dancing around anything. If anything, I'm trying to dance into something." He stumbles with his words, but you still catch on to his meaning amongst all the nonsense.

"Sure." You mumble.

"Okay, if you don't have any confessions, then," Jungkook takes one hand off the steering wheel to motion at you hoping you'd look toward him again, "I'll just ask you one really important question and you have to answer me honestly." He adjusts his proposal. Essentially it's pretty much the same, he's just taking more of the work—which is completely fine by you. A truthful answer is an admission in a way, and in turn, it's not far at all from a straight confession.

"You go first."

"Are you gonna answer me honestly?"

"We'll see."

"Nine."

"Yes."

"Okay." Jungkook almost exhales with relief. You glance over and catch the slight glint of nervousness in his eyes. It makes you nervous. You realize you've never seen him nervous before. He's always so—him. Always just breezing through the motions, always so nonchalant, provocative, bold, like nothing in the world can crack him. Yes. He's nervous. Nervous that you make him nervous. Uneasy about the way the thought of you leaving made him act this way.