Hii... Its been a while now eh?
Well, my exams were goin on ya know and well... They didn't go well at all.
You see, i happen to be in a class where most of the students have scored above 85% in their previous classes and now they all sit together this year to compete. So called the 'toppers' of the session.
Not something to be boast about because, this is just Smth absolutely wrong. How can our society be so wrong? How can a school be so wrong? Let alone the society I live in...
I mean separating toppers, weak students and average... Why are they doing it all so wrong? Why is no one speaking anything against it? Well, idk why. It pressurized the shit outta me. It still does.
At times when in reality I'm the actual one almost failing these exams with bare 80%, ufff. *deep sighs.
Tbh, i am frustrated. I regret not studying too but a student should not be so pressurized that I have to now write this shit.
Well, what made me come back here today was that from some days, I've noticed that I try suppressing my emotions a lot more than usual. I don't cry or tear up that often. But well, small, little, tiniest moments tear me up a lot.
Like today a while ago, i was watchin some Shin Chan movie (Crayon Shin-Chan Movie 29: Mystery Meki! Hana no Tenkasu Gakuen) where I saw this scene that Shin Chan had to leave for a week and his mother just dragged him and hugged him real adorably while she never does it often. Idk, i found a bit of tears forming and I was like, Broooo why tf are you crying?...
Such small moments just remind me how less time we have with our loved ones, yeah? I mean, one moment they are here, makes unforgettable memories and the other moment they are gone forever.
I was wondering how we all siblings fight in the house with our mother... I wonder if we will have the same argument 20 years later? And at the same time I happen to be listening to Experience by Ludovico Einaudi (Slowed and reverb ver.)
And man... It felt like I'm reliving a moment as if it will be a flashback for me when I get older. And that time my mother was scolding my brother for something he did wrong.
*Sighh
I wonder why we don't cherish these years already. I mean, what if it's too late to realise that?
And I think the only person who fights and struggles for me everyday trying to make the ends meet is my mother. And is this the way I return it? I feel worse and worse by time.
At that moment Idk, but respect and love grew even stronger. I do love her but at times we don't get along. There have been times we went to extremes but I might tell you the stories next time.
All that was to say was, a little reminder that we should love our loved ones even harder. Its atleast better than regretting it later in the future maybe.
12.10am
YOU ARE READING
Messed Up Nights
Non-FictionPostin shitty everyday things. Here, you don't judge, you don't need to play the role of anyone. Feel of all those 34,000 different colours of emotions. Here, you are free to.
