Escape Across the Pond

Chapter 5

Dear Dad, 

Do you think it is possible to rediscover who you were before the world knocked you on your ass? Can you ever really drag the old you back to the surface? Or are you really just altering the old version of yourself to collaborate with the new version to make you an entirely different person in the end? Who even am I anymore?

The moment I crack open my eyes I know that I never made it for supper last night. The weak light filters in through the curtains, but I can tell that the sun has not quite risen into the sky.

As I drag myself from the bed, I realize that was most likely the best sleep I've had in a couple of years. When was the last time I slept peacefully through the night without jolting awake in panic or fear? Such a strange, yet a simple thing to miss so much in the grand scheme of things.

I don't believe I moved a muscle all night, lying face down on the duvet. But I can tell someone came in to turn the blankets down over me. I really do owe Grandmama something wonderful. I'll work on making the perfect treats for when she comes to visit me in the country in a few weeks. I know it will never be enough, but it doesn't hurt to start somewhere.

I scrub my hands down my face and prepare myself for my new life in the UK. I'll just keep my head down and to myself. Nobody will know who I am or even care for that matter. One trick I certainly picked up over the years is to blend in. When people can't see you, they won't take the time to cut you down. I'm in no condition to deal with shit people. It's better to avoid them all together. I know Grandmama and Kate both want me to get out there and make friends and reinvent myself. I have no such desire myself.

I stand from the bed and stretch my sore, stiff muscles as several cracks and pops sound at once through my neck, shoulders, and back. I scoop up the clothes I laid out the night before. Just a pair of my old jeans, a tank top, and a flannel button-up. I know it gets chilly here, but Grandmama said today should be much warmer. I figure I can take off the flannel if it comes down to it.

I cross the hall to the bathroom, clothes, and toothbrush in hand. As I look into the mirror, I can see my mop of messy, dirty blonde curls scattered all over my face and hanging down my back. My pale green eyes still look just as lifeless as before I left. No matter how hard I try, I can't see this light Kate and Grandmama see in me, and now I worry it has been burned out for good.

I splash a little cold water on my face and begin brushing my teeth and trying to smooth down my wild hair. Maybe I'll have to wear it half up today as I can't seem to keep the damn mess out of my face. But then again, it may help keep me hidden so I leave it down and finish getting ready for the start of the rest of my life.

I leave the bathroom, and I can already smell the scents of breakfast floating down the hallway. I make my way into the kitchen where I discover Grandmama standing in front of a large counter chatting away with a middle-aged woman pulling something that smells delicious from the oven. I don't want to startle the women, so I clear my throat in the doorway.

Both women spin around on me. "Oh, good, darling, you're up! I do hope you slept well. I wasn't sure when you would be up, and I didn't want to disturb you if you were getting some well-deserved rest. This is Alice, my friend, and also my cook and housekeeper. Alice, this beautiful, darling girl is our Coraline. The one Kathrine and I have adopted from the States." She introduces me to the mousy yet friendly woman standing beside her.

Alice slides around the island wiping her hands on a dishcloth. "Oh, it's so good to meet ye, deary. I've 'eard all about ye'" she says, giving me a small embrace and a peck to my cheek. I have never been around such kind people in all my life. I thought my dad was the only person I knew to be so loving. Maybe I was wrong.