Selma was at the office trying to pay attention to the documents she was reading but it felt like in every document the words spoke to them and it said every words Selma had in her mind,it was clearly making her anxiety worse.
"You are right", "you are wrong", "was it him or was it you" "you,you"-Selma was seeing words on the papers it's like she was trying to catch signs that she was actually right she needed validation from every possible words but it was just his anxiety and it could also say lie cause she was not the one to be blamed it was Dojer and Gevin and she knew by Jake his had the most kind ,sensitive, strong, smart and considerate man on her side, his son, like she was selma for herself . Mother and son gave each other hope and nobody could validate that peace cause Selma was afraid of things to go the same way it was after all they have experienced but it would not happen cause now she was strong and so was Jake.
Selma the client will be here soon get ready-said the man and took a sip of the coffe. Selma was lost in her thoughts.
oh yes-said Selma she was convincing but she completely forgot that she was expecting the client. Selma had to meet one woman who wanted to buy apartment in her neighborhood even though she was the sweetest woman ever Selma still wanted her service to be perfect, even though that woman seemed not to complain about anything. She decided to drink another cup of coffe just to make sure she would be distracted on the meeting. She was about to do that when manager entered the room.
Selma the client has came-said The manager. Selma sighed. She looked at the mirror supported her self as always before any meeting, big or small one, and went to the meeting room.
Hello-said Woman with warm smile who was sitting on the coach reading one of office's flyers. She seemed sweet and soft woman and Selma was kind of opposite of her.
how are you-said asked Selma to woman.
I am fine little tired we are moving our furniture to my friends house temporarily before we will get it to our new one...I hope-smiled Woman.
yes Joan,I have some specific options as I have told you on the phone so I will show them now-said Selma and opened her laptop. Joan was looking at Selma's laptop she was looking on it not in it it's like she was interested to design of it Selma did not realize that.
so this is the first house I would like to offer-said Selma and showed Joan a photo,who had short but groomed silky yellow hair.
mmm not bad but you know it's too gothic honey-Joan laughed softly.
while Selma was looking for another house image she randomly caught Joan's gaze and Selma was kind of shocked how someone could be so sweet all the time,this woman seemed like unreal.
well I like this one cozy...-said the woman and Selma realized choosing house was more then important for Joan and that was the moment when Selma caught something else in Joan something different then kindness and sweetness but she could not explain what it was.
This one is the perfect place-said Joan about wooden brown third floored house. Selma though this house was the house where big family would leave together happily and she felt sadness in the moment, but she did not feel like showing that emotion to Joan.
I think you phone is calling-said Joan to Selma who was distracted by her thoughts and thought she was hiding it but she was not.
yeah yeah I know but look on the shelf of books It might be there-said Selma who was talking to Jake.
is everything okay-asked Joan with caring tone again. Selma did not feel like answering at first but it's like she felt Joan's gaze on her.
yeah it was just my son-said Selma. Selma was feeling like she felt such compassion from Joan that kind of seemed unreal for her it was weird feeling. Joan was looking at her and Selma thought she was becoming emotional more and more naked and she did not really want that. Selma didn't like being emotional open to people she really didn't know.
Yeah sons...and children in general are a lot tot take care for mother but the most precious-said Joan.
yeah yeah they are-said Selma and tried to change the subject she could not tell specifically but she felt uncomfortable in that moment.
so you have decided this house-asked Selma.
yes I have ... I don't have a child you know it's hard for me he died just after being born ...-said Joan and Selma did not expect this dialogue at all.
oh ...I am sorry-said Selma that was all she could say.
yeah it was many years ago but mother's grief last forever it's just not noticeable for others...right?-said Joan and Selma did not know what to answer she felt like this talk was taking unnecessary directions.
mmm-Selma sighed and did not say anything.
sorry I am acting like we know each other since high school-said Joan softly as she mostly spoke to Selma.
no no It's fine-said Selma. Selma realized Joan had tears on her eyes but she was not crying.
I love that house it's the house I always dream of-said Joan and smiled warmly again and that was the moment Selma also felt little irritation, she could not believe how woman was always so calm and full of sweetness and she realized she was mirroring her feelings towards Joan but she was especially emotional she only realized that know but when Joan was coming to her Selma felt mostly happy cause she was in general sweet type of woman but now she felt irritation too but why she could not fully understand maybe Joan had something she did not have but she said her self her son died right before she gave birth so maybe it is something else.
okay I will go now I leave you with your mind...you must be busy with work-said Joan but Selma though she also meant something else she did want to actually say what she was hinting about but she though it would be rude so she kept it quiet.
She seems sweet I wish other clients were like it-said one of Selma's co workers when Selma left the office.
yeah she is for sure-said Selma and went to restroom. She washer her face it's like she was feeling so full of temper in a really weird way it was unknown so she did not enjoy that mind state...was it really that ...was Selma somehow Jealous of Joan...but how and why,why would Selma feel insecure cause of Joan. She was not the master at facing her feelings but after all she has been through it is better to face them rather then ignore them so maybe that was it she felt a little jealous of her though she did not know much about Joan. She just know that she was one 45 years old woman who decided to change the place of her home and came to England, Selma did realized she did not have husband but She also heard how she was talking someone on the phone by love words so she might have had boyfriend and yes she judged her though she did not like it but she still did. Yes Selma realized the admiration turned into Jealousy but admiration was still there and so was Jealousy,but she had so many things to take care of she would not bother thinking about Joan.
Selma left the restroom and the co worker immediately asked.
how it went?-said the woman with blonde long hair.
It was good-smiled Selma and give one of the fakes smiles she has ever given. Selma sat with het table and started to check some documents just to distract her self from thoughts that is what she was always doing when she felt a little heavy.
Jake was walking down the street he was coming back to home after visiting the nursing house. He did not know before why old people made him feel a little nostalgic, peaceful, happy but now Jake felt all those people lived their lives in the best way possible ,in the words way possible, between those two but they are still here and still living, enjoying small pleasures of life, saying jokes and remembering old times Jake wanted that kind of comfort and he was so young he had so much to experience. Jake was becoming more and more self aware and knew he had power of face everything so then when he would become 70 years old he could sit down and remember everything.
