HER BELOVED

16

The shadows moved slowly, carefully, as if they were crawling under the moonless sky. The silence was unbroken even by the breeze, as if even the heavens were waiting for the shadows to do their work, to finish what needed to be done and let time help the world forget. Each silent step of the shadows brought them closer to their unsuspecting target, this night, it would all be over.

Nao was nervously tossing and turning in her bed, trying not to think Jin wasn't next to her, she was hugging his pillow and tears were soaking the pillowcase as she breathed in the scent left behind. Her heart pounded in her chest as she thought about where she had gone wrong in trying to prevent what was happening. Jin had never refused her anything, but this time he was adamant. She begged him, admonished him that it was not worth the sacrifices, that there was no point in condemning themselves.

He had kept nothing from her, and the months spent waiting for the date to come were devoted by Nao to dissuading her husband that he should give up. She had used every opportunity. When Tao, Jimin and Tia's son was born, Nao had prayed to him, she had cried, but Jin was as hard as a rock. At Christmas, when he had kissed her under the mistletoe, the second rejection hurt her a lot. At midnight on New Year's Day, he had kissed her under the dawn-lit sky and refused her again.

Nao refused to sleep, got up, put on her robe and went down to the kitchen, hoping a cup of tea would help her and relax her tense nerves. But she had not yet taken the last step when the doorbell rang. Nao lowered her eyebrows and looked at the clock above the stove in the kitchen. 4:15 in the morning? Jin had a key, so who? Her heart sank as she walked quickly, praying it wasn't what she thought.

"Tia?!" she worriedly made room for her to enter, smiling slightly at Theo sleeping in her arms. "Is everything okay?" Nao asked worriedly and helped Tia carve out a makeshift spot on the couch, placing Theo to sleep between some pillows as she sat next to him and looked at Nao, shaking her head. "I've been in this situation many times, but this time is different" Tia shook her head and Nao sat down next to her and hugged her by the shoulders.

"I'm sorry, it's all because of me" Nao's eyes filled with tears and she looked down at her lap. "It's not because of you Nao, if it wasn't for you it would have been something else. You just give them more reason to fight and win" Tia smiled wryly. The two had talked a lot about the matter, the guilt eating away at Nao had led her to the conclusion that if she had just let Woobin catch and kill her, they would all be safe now.

"We've already talked about this, this war has been around since long before you and me and probably if it doesn't end tonight" Tia looked at her soundly sleeping son. "It will continue with the next generation" she sighed. Nao also stared at the baby, her eyes taking on that soft warmth that a woman kept for her child, that appeared the moment a woman became a mother and lit up her face whenever her eyes fell on her child.

Her hand instinctively slid to her stomach and her thoughts returned to her husband. "Why now?" Nao thought, trying to swallow the lump in her throat, thinking that she just needed a few more hours, no more than a day, and the right time. But that moment had never come, she was too scared to do it sooner, even though she had been preparing for days, why did it have to be tonight, when she was alone, when the only thing she could think about, was that she might never see Jin again, why hadn't she used her greatest trump card to dissuade him?

Because she didn't want to manipulate him, force him to do something he didn't want to, and even less wanted the thought to distract him during a fight. It was precisely for this reason that she did not share her suspicions with anyone except Tia, who had helped her. But until tonight, Nao couldn't find the strength to confirm what she already knew. Why tonight, had the fear of being alone again superseded that of possible disappointment? It didn't matter why now, what was more important was that she should have the chance to enjoy it with Jin.