When the pressure is too much my vision blurs even though I wear glasses, everything is blurry, my heart starts to slow down, I don't feel myself in my body, it feels weird as if I were just a spectator desperately trying to have control, it's hard for me paying attention to everything around me, I stop listening it's like I'm not really in my body like my mind is desperately trying to protect me and it feels so fucking weird and frustrating, it's like being on autopilot
I want to ask for help but I don't know how, I'm trying little by little, but I'm afraid I'm afraid of hurting others because I'm distant, I'm afraid that anything I do or say will hurt others , I don't want to be afraid all my life, I don't want to be on autopilot, I want to be aware of what is happening around me, I want to sleep without having nightmares, I want to concentrate, I want to be able to make my boyfriend happy, I hate it when he worries about me or gets stressed I don't want to cause you problems and I don't want to be a burden either, but as I tell you, there are days when I just want to die.
I'm trying, I'm trying all of this for me but also for him though I don't know how much of all my mental shit I can take, I love him but I know he'll be gone any minute, and as much as it hurts, I have to be aware of that, no one deserves to carry the mental problems of others, much less see them consume, because that is what happens to me, I am consuming myself although I tried to fight that, it just slows down the process but at the end of the day I burn out like a candle
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Don't Read This Book
RandomI wrote this book so that some people understand a little about the disorder and also so that I could say what happens many times when I have a crisis or I just get depressed, life is usually shit but if you write it you free yourself a little...
