Will You? (Perfect Blend #4)

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Sa lahat ng sinabi niya, ang huling salitang pinakawalan niya ang nagpawindang sa aking buong sistema. Baby... That was the endearment I'd been calling him before. The endearment that I've been wishing not to hear from him.

"Explain? What for, Sawyer?" I scooped. "Para saan pa kung matagal nang tapos ang lahat sa ating dalawa?"

I saw him flinch at my cold approach towards him. I know he didn't expect me to be like this to him, and neither did I... I never thought to be this broad in front of him after the history we were both involved with. The history that I've been trying so hard to rip off in my memory.

Sawyer was about to open his mouth to either answer my questions or begged again. But before he could even say a word, I already cut him off.

"Sawyer, if you think I still haven't forgiven you, and you must explain yourself, please, don't worry about it anymore. Because the moment I finally accepted our untwisted fate... is when the day I also forgave you."

After saying those words, ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilang tumulo ay ngayon ay nakawala na sa kani-kanilang kulungan. I let my tears kiss my cheeks as I let him feel again the pain he caused me before. Sawyer stretches his right hand in an attempt to wipe my tears but I immediately stop him by taking a step back away from his hold.

"Yesenia..." he softly uttered my name.

"Bakit ganon? Wala kang gusto sa akin noon, 'di ba? Wala kang nararamdaman para sa akin. Pero bakit pinaparamdam mo sa akin noon that somehow, may pag-asa tayong dalawa? That somehow, we could work? Bakit kailangan mo pang magpanggap that I already have a special space in your life?" sunod-sunod kong tanong sa kanya. "I know I shouldn't put all the blame on you, because frankly, I am at fault for why I was hurt. Ako ang may kasalanan kaya mo ako nasaktan noon, kasi umasa ako. Umasa ako na kaya mong sulkian ang nararamdaman ko para sayo. But can you blame me? You were giving me mixed signals. You're giving me a reason to believe na may pag-asa ako sayo." Hindi ko na mapigilan ang pagtakas nang maliliit kong mga hikbi habang binibitawan ang mga katagang iyon.

"You made me question myself. You made me question my worth... Y-You broke my t-trust, and now... I am having a hard time trusting a-anyone. I-I'm having a hard time loving again." Kasi hanggang ngayon ikaw pa rin. Na kahit dinurog mo ako noon, ikaw pa rin.

"I'm so sorry, baby..." He attempted to wipe my tears again pero muli akong umatras.

"Sawyer... Can I ask you a question?" I was the first one who broke the long silence.

He stared at me for a while before slowly nodding my head, and acknowledging my request. I let out a heavy sigh first before finally pulling out the courage to ask him the question I never asked him before.

"Minahal mo ba ako... dati?"

For the nth time, Sawyer was taken aback by my choice of words. He froze on his spot as he was staring at me; hurt and longing were visible in his eyes.

Muling naghari ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa. Despite how loud the music is from the party, I can still clearly hear my heart beating. I can still clearly hear his small sobs together with mine.

Mga ilang minuto na rin ang nagdaan at wala pa rin akong nakukuhang sagot mula sa kanya. He just stared at me like he doesn't want me to disappear from his sight. Dahan-dahan akong umiling, disappointed in myself for asking him that dumb question. I laugh humourless before staring back at him, eyes still full of tears.

"Forget what I was—." But before I could even finish my word, Sawyer already cut me off which stunned me to hell.

"I s-still do l-love you..." He said between his sobs. "I n-never stop loving y-you, Yesenia..."

"Liar!" I shouted.

"Baby... I won't lie to you... I never lied to you, not until I had to." He tried reaching me again, and this time, I let his palm kiss my cheek. "Believe me when I tell you that when I saw how much effort you put that day just to surprise me, I badly wanted to grab you and caged you in my arms. How I badly want to taste your sweet lips..." He carefully brought me into his arms, and again, I let him do what he wanted to do.

Let me feel his warmth again... just for tonight...

"How I badly want to kneel in front of you and ask you the question "will you?" instead. How I badly want to break my own rules for you... but I can't and will never can." Sawyer buried his face in my neck as his hugs got tighter. "Baby, I loved you before you even knew you loved me. You don't know how happy I was when I found out that we have the same feelings for each other. But I am my father's son, Yesenia. I can't risk your life even if it means hurting you."

"W-What do you m-mean...?"

"The day before you told your friends about your plan on surprising me, is the day my dad set up his daughter in an arranged marriage. Sakura immediately dismissed my father's pathetic plan, which my father took as his advantage to fully wrap me in his filthy fingers," huminga muna siya ng malalim bago nagpatuloy. "He threatened me, baby... He threatened me that if I won't obey him, he'll go against his daughter. He threatened me to ruin my sister's new life. And I can't risk it, baby... Sakura had been suffering from the pain our own father caused her. She'd been through a lot of pain ever since our mother left us. And as much as possible, I'll protect her from things that might hurt her, even if I give up my own happiness."